Jennys missing home...

Wow, ive almost been gone for a full month again. Leaving home for me is fairly hard, although I love the adventure of being on my own and seeing the world, I am very close to my family and not used to being away from them for such a long period of time. When I have internet connection it’s a lot better cause I can phone them, chat them, or email them, either way I can get an update on what is going on in our world back home. But lately Ive had very little access to the internet and it has made me a touch homesick. I want to phone Chris and hear how the kids are, or talk to Tiffany about what is going on in her life, I want to send emails to reassure my parents that life is beautiful here, and I want to see my freakin dog. And more than anything I want some food from home, preferably my Moms home cooking. The excitement of Thai food lasted all of one week before I realized carbs and fried foods for every meal really isn’t all that appealing…at all. India held a lot more culture shock than Thailand but for some reason Im having a bit of a tough time adjusting, in a couple weeks ill be fine but today, right now, I am homesick.

In one of the books I was reading this trip it was talking a lot about seasons and I realized by the time I get home I will have been traveling for eight months and missed two full seasons, summer and fall (my two favorite). Sometimes I find myself on the beach daydreaming about what life will be like when I get home, how I will decorate my apartment and what kind of work I will get into this time. Anyway, home (wherever I make it) is on my mind, better yet, family is.

With that being said, traveling is on my heart and I am so excited for all of the places I will be going to visit. We finally have a bit more of a solid plan as it looks like traveling through north Thailand then heading into Laos, Vietnam, and Cambodia will be the next part of this trip. If I fall in love with one of those countries I may even stay and try to find work or a place to volunteer. I have nothing tying me down to one place or another here, no deadline for when I need to leave a country, and no goal of where I want to end up; thankfully that leaves me able to choose as I go along and I am really enjoying that freedom.

The other day we were traveling 160km and it took us eight hours, by the end of the bus ride I was going crazy. Its those kind of things that throw me off and make me think of home, its just so easy to say “at home I would have been here seven hours ago with food in my belly, air-conditioning on, and a freaking bathroom break along the way”. Anyway, as I was rambling on in my mind I decided to finish the book that my aunt gave me (Let your life speak by Parker J. Palmer) and this was a quote I stumbled upon which reminded me I am indeed exactly where I need to be at this point in my life.

“From autumns profligate seedings to the great spring giveaway, nature teaches a steady lesson: if we want to save our lives, we cannot cling to them but must spend them with abandon. When we are obsessed with bottom lines and productivity, with efficiency of time and motion, with the rational relation of means and ends, with projecting reasonable goals and making a beeline toward them, it seems unlikely that we will ever know the fullness of spring in our lives. “

The music in my mind...

I can still see the smoke from my train outta town
Ive dreamed myself a million times around the world
Don’t put yourself back in the fire again
I wake up in the morning, stumble on my life
The hand that calls me forward is the hand that leaves me behind

It’s a beautiful lie, if you think it will always stay the same
Pulling at the loose strings now
Follow the leader or make up all the rules
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night
Were livin in a wasteland

I have all this gold in my soul
What am I looking for?
Ive always been known to cross lines
I know I can be colorful, I know I can be grey
Pull the roots…

First week in Bangkok

Wow, what a difference! These past few days we have been with a local CSer and it has made a world of difference compared to the backpacking area we were in (although that was lots of fun too).

A couple nights ago Toom (our CS host, pronounced tomb) took us out for supper around his area of town. It was wonderful for so many reasons. First, we spent the whole evening out and not once did we see one tourist, actually we haven’t for days now! Second was the food….oh my goodness the food. There are stands every few feet of something new to try and quite frankly I feel like I am trying it all. Im going to have to check myself soon or im gonna end up coming home double my size. But I just cant help it, the food here is terribly delicious and I cant seem to get enough.

Through the night though I was definitely granted my wish of taking it slow, the Thai people seem to be very good at that. Walking for example, I had to slow my pace by WAY more than half of how I normally walk. Walking slow and taking your time believe it or not is actually a lot of work, it definitely took a while before I stopped saying in my head “can we just freakin hurry up”, but really what is the rush anyway? We also picked up a fruit that has a really strong smell to it….apparently, although I really couldn’t smell it at all. Because of that we were not allowed on the air-conditioned bus and out of respect we wrapped our already packaged fruit in three different bags so no one else would be bothered by the smell. Isnt that amazing? Quite frankly I was blown away. Just out of RESPECT we would not get on a bus that had air running through it in case the smell bothered someone, it made me realize I officially have no idea what respect is at home cause I thought that was madness (although I liked the idea). Also, I started talking on the bus and Toom politely asked me to stop. At first I was quite taken back, like “whats his issue” kinda deal, but then he explained that the Thai people like to relax on the bus. Usually they are coming or going from work or something else that is busy and they just appreciate some calmness, ha all I could think about was how much my Dad would like these customs. Needless to say in just a few short hours I was amazed at the general respect and kindness that is shown around here, I loved it.

So far the trip has been great. Its been really relaxing with absolutely no sightseeing, temples, beaches, or adventure but quite frankly that is just the way I like it. I am sure over the next four months I will get my fair share of all that jazz so im not too worried about rushing through it now. Tomorrow Juan and I head to Ban Phe and then heading to Ko Chang for a while on the beach. Really not too sure what the plan will be after that, basically we have just been taking it day to day so im excited to see where we end up.

Anyway, I should go, there is a bakery that has the best cream filled doughnuts in the world and I want to get one before they close. Haha yes indeed, my trip is currently strictly based around food.

Goodmorning Thailand….

Today I had my first early Thai morning. With all the hustle of flying and time change Ive been sleeping in way too late, but alas this morning I was out of bed at 7:30am before the city became alive (which is pretty early around here). I walked around my area and enjoyed it all from a calm point of view. The streets weren’t full of vendors, hundreds of people, or constant action; nope they were dead…slow.

Believe it or not, traveling can actually be a lot of work. You are always on the move, trying to see this or that, lugging around an extra twenty pounds on your back, and rarely sleeping so you can soak up all the sights. Even on the road I need to remind myself to slow down. This morning after my walk I went to get myself a coffee (looks like I may have to be hitting the caffeine again). As I stood there waiting the man getting my coffee ready looked me in the eye and sternly said “sit down”. Now it could be my active imagination or a lack of sleep but I am almost positive in his two words he actually said to me “why are you standing in front of me and bothering me? Why are you being all impatient and making me hurry? I am going to take my time making you a delicious coffee while you take your time relaxing in my chair and absorbing this beautiful morning. Hunny, you are in one of the most beautiful places on earth, take a breath, take a seat, enjoy the view and RELAX”. And that was all I needed to hear. I sat there on my own soaking up my experiences (even some from the last few weeks that I haven’t taken the time to enjoy enough). As tears came to my eyes I wanted to just sit there and break down, to drop my shoulders and cry. I AM SO BLESSED!!! What happened? How did I get here?

Sometimes it is hard to look at life and just feel blessings. There are times I get caught in my past, or worried about my future and I think “man I got freakin ripped off” and you know what, I did in lots of ways, but so has everyone. Every person I know has their own deep scars embedded into their skin and into their heart. Pain, fear, injustice…it is all part of life and I know it is important to not hold on too but sometimes that takes training, it takes a lot of work. Now don’t get me wrong, Im not a victim and I never have been, but there seems to be this little empty hole somewhere in my heart that is DYING to be filled and it seems like the impossible task. This trip I am going to quit working on filling that hole and focus on filling up the rest of my heart with all my wonderful blessings and maybe, just maybe I can suffocate that hole right out! And today, right now I am blessed beyond measure. No worry in sight, no heavy burdens, no broken spirits…just beauty. Now the trick is standing still, and in this very moment stillness is all I know.

Be blessed…

Finally in Thailand!

I have now spent a handful of hours in Thailand and I am already so in love with the place. How could I not be, an ice cream cone is ten cents?? Arriving here was a bit of a mess as neither Juan nor I had tickets leaving the country, which apparently is a must. After stress levels hitting the roof and hours of trying to find a way to buy a ticket without spending two hundred euros we finally found a solution and were allowed on the plane.

We arrived late afternoon and went straight to Bangkok to find a hostel and drop our bags. With all the action we have not seen much of the city or the country side but I already know from our short stint that I will love it. Right now we have a hostel in an area called Khaosan and it is so bloody great. The action does not stop around here. It is a perfect mix of locals and tourist (which is nice when you are settling in to such a foreign new place) with a great spark to the area. There is delicious cheap food every step you take, endless strips of market finds, clothes that stimulate your senses more than the freakin country itself, color in everything, and an ease to the air. Ahhh I love it.

So far I am not too sure of what the plan will be. It looks like Juan and I will travel around the country for a while to discover and see where each of us will land. He will choose his favorite place to stay for school, while I will find my favorite place and either start working or volunteering. First we will spend a few days in Bangkok exploring the city and trying to gather some information on this beautiful country we have landed in, after that who knows?

You know, before I got here I really started doubting myself….I hate it when I do that. My family is nervous about my travels and I have got a lot of “are you sure”, “I don’t have a good feeling about this”, “this isn’t safe” and it really started getting to my head. On my way through Italy I admit there was a moment where I thought, what the heck am I freakin doing, ill never be able to hack it on my own in a place like Thailand. But something happened when I got here, I got a huge waft of comfort the moment I stepped into the city. There are so many young girls traveling on their own and having the time of their lives, I wandered the city till late at night in a packed street and not once did I feel uncomfortable. I think instinct is a great tool and not once did my instinct tell me I shouldn’t be here; it felt good.

So….I am excited for this trip, very excited. I love when my eyes see new things but I love it when my spirit is blessed with experiences I could never get at home or anywhere else. I see myself in many different faucets in these next few months, and I am really anticipating where I will end up. But hey, who is thinking months down the road, I can hardly wait to crawl into bed and wake up to discover this city tomorrow.

Hope all is well at home!!

My crazy world...

Ahh where to start? This trip has been so much fun and it has barely even begun. When I decided to come back to Europe I didn’t really know what my plan was. What I did know was that my final destination was Thailand and coming through Europe would make that dramatically cheaper. As always I went back and forth thinking I would stay for a couple days or go to as many countries as my little heart desired for at least a month or two. Europe has been great and I really do adore my time here but being practical I realized soon that it was too expensive for me to be traveling around and then still expecting to live in Thailand for a few months and travel there as well. I found a disgusting seat sale and decided to book for this week which means I leave for Thailand on Friday. Thankfully Juan’s final destination is Thailand as well (he is heading there for school) so we decided to meet up along the way, go to Thailand together, and travel around some too. We are two days away and I am getting unbearably excited. Today I was walking around and just had a huge grin on my face thinking about how much fun I am in for.

So anyway, back to how I landed back in Spain. San Fermin was a crazy festival that just blew me away and when I heard about La Tomatina going on the same time I was in Europe I figured I had to find a way there since it is something I have always wanted to be a part of. It was crazy, im talking mad crazy. 140 tons of tomatoes are brought into the narrow streets of Bunol and thousands upon thousands of people begin the biggest, meanest food fight in all the world. People went mad throwing handfuls of tomatoes in every direction their arms could manage (there were so many people you could barely move let alone throw). I got pelted in the face crazy hard a few times and walked out of the hour food fight with bruises all over. Every inch of your body, of the street, and the houses surrounding were covered in red. It was like I blinked and when I opened my eyes the only color of lens I could see through was red. It was a disaster but such a fun one and definitely worth the trip. Once again, I wish I could explain it better but you just cant sum up an experience like that…it was mad!

In Spain I went to Alicante, Valencia, Bunol, and Barcelona; every city was a different adventure but loads of fun. I got to see some of the friends I met from last time and met some really great ones this time as well. Juan and I met up from there and hitched to Marceilles where we have been couchsurfing for the past four days. This is a beautiful city, actually everywhere I have been in France is wonderful and each time I say that I need to stay longer. One day I hope to be able to spend lots of time in these treasure cities I keep finding (and maybe even have enough money to treat myself to at least one meal out). But alas I am on the road again, this time heading to Italy for only a night and then heading to THAILAND! How crazy is that? I cant wait. I keep wondering where I will end up, what other countries I will visit while I am there, what adventures will I find along my journey. The anticipation right now is eating at me which in itself is very exciting. There are lots of things I get excited over when I think of these next few months and I love that feeling of not being able to wait. I guess there is a difference between being excited and impatiently crazy giddy, the ladder is where I am at.

Today I was walking in the park and I felt my life was a big video game, like I was some character that was being guided around by someone else. Like pac man it was like eating this task, this country, this escapade with each one getting faster and faster to get more points. Do you get what Im saying? Like, +40 points for falling in love, -25 for breaking hearts, +100 for visiting another continent, -50 for not standing still. You catch my drift, but it all goes back and forth. Either way, I realized it was my life I was thinking about, not a game. I need to stop living like it is just a game and realizing the depth of my LIFE. Whether that is working and settling down or traveling to the next place, either option needs to just be lived out in the moment, not just the next thing. I try really hard to do that but it is so hard to live in the moment sometimes, I get caught up and pulled in or not pulled in at all and then my mind wanders in every direction. Hum, not sure if that makes sense or not, actually most of my thoughts arnt making sense right now but I am really enjoying it, it is like rediscovering different thought patterns or ways of thinking, rediscovering me again and again.

On the plus side, I am eating about six cookies a day…big cookies, and that my friends is worth noting!!!

Sober in Spain

After seven and a half years of not drinking there are no longer any time-consuming thoughts about me being a non drinker. There are rarely any situations where I think, you know today would be a great day to take a drink. Actually its only about once a year where there seems to be a situation where I decide this is the year I am going to start drinking again and that moment usually lasts all of a couple hours. In Spain however I have thought about me being a non-drinker non-stop.
Almost every young person here drinks…excesively. The amount of alcohol consumed by my generation in this country is absolutely insane. In fact, it is Sunday night and I just got back from a disco that had more people crammed into it than most of Calgary’s bars combined on a Friday night. I think my first visit to Spain was such a rush that the life just seemed like a big fun adventure, coming back however made me look at it much differently. There was actually a point in the night were I looked around the bar and just wanted to cry for all the wastefullness.
It is sad actually. You can only drink for so long before this stand still feeling kicks in, before your life just feels empty and your goals become a big wasted blur. Not only do I see that here, I hear it in their words. I asked a guy today what his friend was like and he responded by saying “she is one of those drunks who gets really mad or really happy; you never know what you will get”. The conversation or the environment had nothing to do with drinking but that is the only way he knew how to describe his friend because that is the only context he knew her in. The first time I came here I thought it was so great how everyone knows everyone, I thought it was such a wonderful community atmosphere. I realized soon it is not community at all, at least not my version of it. They are all getting drunk together six out of seven nights a week and possibly spending the afternoon together sleeping off their hangover on a beach. It is completely unappealing.
Now to be clear, there are many things I adore about Spain and this really is my only issue. Other than the drinking it is a wonderful place that I have adored, it just so happens that the “other” is quite a definitive factor. Needless to say, I have felt so blessed this trip to be a non drinker. To be able to wake up early every morning and discover the city, to not make terribly bad decisions based on a drunk moment, to know my goals and keep them, to know who is important in my life and be responsible to them, to know the value of my life and make decisions that reflect that awareness, to make my experiences real memories. Literally there are dozens of reasons I have come up with as to why I am so thankful for my sobriety. Lord, thank you, thank you, thank you for giving me the strength in my sobriety to get me through so many years of avoided pain, mistakes, and emptiness, and thank you for continuing to open my eyes so I can see why it is I choose to have a substance free life.
Oh and my parents say thank you too…especially on a trip like this!

Out, up, off, and away...

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labour. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. ~Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

So I have decided to pack my bag and head out once more. I leave tomorrow and cannot wait to see what is in store for me.

Since coming home I have had the travelers itch...big time. I have thought about traveling, dreamt about traveling, and found peace in the idea of traveling. Being out on the road was such a wonder for me. It brought so many dimensions into my life and just breathed a new light to my spirit. The problem with traveling that has been standing in my way is this little word that people keep reminding me of...responsibility. Now that is a word I am fairly familiar with, as a matter of fact I have known it all too well and at much too young of an age. So I struggled with whether or not traveling around the world once again would really be a responsible decision. After all, traveling for me brings on many sacrifices; I will be spending ALL my money, I will not have a job to come home too, I will not come back to my own home, I will put myself a few steps back in terms of worldly possessions, and I will physically be in the same place in a few months as I am today. It is difficult in such a driven world to justify a decision such as this. So after a couple weeks at home I decided enough was enough, I would stuff down this need to continue discovering these lands and get back to "the real world". This however, proved to be a very unsettling feeling for me, no matter how hard I tried I just did not like the idea, I was not quite ready to let that piece rest. Then it got me thinking....what is responsibility anyway?

In my life I have watched many people achieve amazing heights. Through wealth, respectable careers, building a family, taking the appropriate steps in life, attaining possessions, building a community, I mean in so many ways I have been surrounded by very high-achieving responsible people. But still it wasn't making sense to me, if that is the case and I desire most of those things than why is it I am not wanting to directly work towards those goals? Then I realized my version of responsibly looks much different to me than it does to many other people. Since Ive been back I have spoken a lot about not feeling like I can catch up, not feeling like a can be a part of "the rat race" and I really realized that is because like many (way too many) in the midst of being responsible in my life, I forgot to be responsible to myself. Like any relationship, the relationship I have with myself requires a lot of effort. I need to love myself, and constantly work at taking care of me, I need to feed my spirt, and uplift the pains on my heart. I need to pay attention to my desires, I need take time to hear what i am really saying, I need to read between the lines, and shower myself in kindness. I need to feed myself with friendship and community yet allow time for me to sit in silence on my own. I need to keep things new and fresh and not allow myself to get stale in life. I wonder how many people who are responsible in their lives can honestly say they are responsible to themselves? How many of them have contradicted the rule of a responsible life by putting wants ahead of needs? I am at a place in my life where I realize that is desperately pertinent. I have left that piece of my world out for far too long and I owe it to myself to focus on that area.

So I don't have a big fancy plan, nor can I answer many questions about where I am actually going. I don't even know how long I will be going for, basically as long as my money lasts, that could be one month or four. As always, I have a million ideas and it will probably be a last minute thing when I decide whether to go north or south, east or west. I fly into Spain and head to a town called Valencia where I am going to have a bloody riot at the La Tomatina Festival (the biggest food fight in the world). I will probably stay around that area of Spain for a week or so and then I have no idea where I will go next. Fortunately when you travel on your own, you get to decide your own path with no deadlines, questions, or expectations. Ive thought about going to Poland to volunteer, going to Norway to visit my family, maybe even heading over to Thailand to meander around, but who knows I may end up falling in love in Sweden or being a bum on the beach in Madrid. I really enjoy not knowing though, there seems to be a lot more excitement that way.

So, with that, I promise to keep my blog updated on where I am going next and what beautiful gifts this world will bring to my life along my journey. Wish me luck and don't be afraid to send a little prayer out for me....

Gratitude for friendship...

There have been endless times this year where I have just felt filled with blessings. There is no doubting for me that my life has been blessed beyond measure, so much so that there are times I feel guilty for having it so darn good. Lately I have felt very endowed with friendship. Traveling gives you many opportunities to see that, it allows you to be grateful for the friendship you make on the road, and it reminds you of how much you miss the friendships you have at home.

Yesterday I received a gift in the mail from my friend and my couch surfing host in Ireland. I could hardly contain myself trying to open up that package and when I did my heart melted. Before looking through anything I became overcome with such a feeling of gratefulness for good friends. You see to me, friendship has never been an easy thing. I have many acquaintances in my life but it has always been hard for me to call someone a true friend. Even people I hang out with every once in a while I would just consider an acquaintance. A dear friend once said about me "she shares herself selflessly with those she trusts and earning that trust you should make your sole mission" and it is true. Unless I fully trust someone I cant quite get to that friendship level. At times I feel it is a fault as it means I am not surrounded by a large group of friends, but on the other hand I find it such a gift as the friends I have are some of the most beautiful gifts I know. Regardless, that day I needed a friend and sure enough, my friend showed up.

So back to this package, I cant explain how much it meant to me, but in short it was a reminder of another beautiful friendship I have made that is so very cherished. The package contained a few items, a few of them I wont bother explaining but two of them blessed me so very much. First was a small black sheep teddy. With Ireland being as filled with sheep as it is, it wasn't surprising that sheep were the topic of many conversations. Sheep have always been meaningful to me; because of their personality, because of their relation to the scripture, and because of the classic black sheep (a good friend of mine). Anyway, Kevin and I spoke about this many times so when I received my little teddy it made me feel so special. There is nothing better in the whole wide world than a thoughtful gift.

On our drive to the post office Tiffany and I were talking about a friend of hers who had got into a bad accident and how broken his Mom is over it. She spoke about wanting to do something but knowing what it was like to be on the receiving end and having nothing make things better no matter how hard people tried. The pain of a mother especially during that time is something that cannot be calmed regardless how good someone's intentions are. However, when Tiffany and I opened the second gift from Kevin, I saw a tiny shimmer of that hopelessness fade. Through her tears and laughter while opening her gift of a beautiful silver bracelet with celtic engraving that said Kiya, I saw a broken hearted mother receive joy in the midst of her pain. I too received an engraved necklace that said Jenelle, but the real gift was sharing that moment with Tiffany. It really was one of the best gifts imaginable.

I don't know what was special about Ireland, but it was a place that made me miss Kiya a lot. I spoke about her and my sister endlessly and Kevin just listened. He didn't try to make things better, or find some wisdom filled advise to pass along to my sister, although he too has had many heart aches because of cancer he didn't try to relate, he didn't change the subject, he didn't get uncomfortable. He was simply a friend, I was able to talk, rant, cry as much as I wanted and he just received it. I knew through some of the thoughts Kevin shared with me that Kiya and Tiffany had touched his life but by no means did I think he would be going out of his way to make such a thoughtful gesture to my sister. Thank you, thank you Kevin for the most perfect gift.

On my travels I was able to meet some beautiful people. People who made me laugh, entertained me, kept me company, challenged me, taught me, opened my eyes...I am grateful for those people but I cannot explain the gratitude of the real friendship that was made on my journey. If I could encourage someone right now, I would challenge them to think of one person that has been heavy on their hearts or on their mind and do something for them. As small as the act may seem to you, it could mean healing and hope for someone else. Kevin blessed me with friendship, he spoiled me with the most thoughtful gifts I have received in a long time, but most of all he offered my sister a gift that is irreplaceable and for that I am grateful for friendship.

Since Europe...

Wow, back home again and I have no idea what that means for me! Life has been busy since I arrived back from Europe and this blog is seeming a bit daunting to me at this point. Its not even that a ton has gone on, but a lot has been happening in my mind lately and it really is just full.

I came home the last week of July and my father picked me up from the airport with Conner and Carter and the four of us drove straight to BC. I was excited to see my family and be at the cabin but it was such a tease to just drive by my bed and not even stop to do a load of laundry, it didn't help either that I had just got off an eight hour flight. Regardless, we pulled up to the cabin in the middle of the night and I had so many emotions flowing through me that I stayed up the entire evening enjoying my own company and writing in my journal. The week with my family was awesome! My sisters, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, my parents, the boys, and my grandparents were all there which was a special treat since most of us are all usually dispersed in a million different places around the world. We spent the week enjoying the sun, the water, Mamas cooking, and one another; it was a great way to be welcomed back.

This past week I spent at Moose Lake, the bible camp that I was raised at. Tiffany and I were able to take Conner and Carter as well, which was literally was a dream come true for me. The place where so much of my spiritual foundation was laid I was now offering to the boys, I cant put into words how special that was to me. Moose feels like home, it feels like my little safe place that just wraps me up and takes me in. The community there is amazing and it is so nice to head back every year to catch up with old friends and relatives. My favorite part was definitely watching the boys though; playing in the park, impatiently waiting for canteen to open, jumping on the tramp, or stubbing their toes on the tree roots - all of it was my childhood memories turning into theirs and I just adored it. And of course God - that big man always shows up at Moose and it was awesome to spend so much time learning, praying, and listening; my spirit definitely needed the reunion. When I actually got on the plane back from Germany I wished I wasn't leaving, I thought it was ridiculous to come home for a short while only to be back again soon. The moment I drove up to the camp grounds with my sister and my bugs I knew THAT was the reason I wanted to be home.

I will say though coming back home has been tough, really tough and I have found myself retracting a lot. Since i've been home I have cried many tears, I have spent a lot of time in prayer, and too much time trying to figure out what my next step will be. I have a million things that I want to do and I just don't know which one to choose right now. Do I want to make myself a home and settle in, move to BC and begin there, find a job and start saving up again, or continue on this traveling journey that my spirit is eating up? And never mind the questions running through my mind, how about being at home again in such a different world? Adjusting back to normalcy was/is difficult. I spent so much time living off nothing and seeing everything, meeting new people that inspired me, and being alone in such a still environment. I really do miss that. It is too fast here, there are times where I feel I am treading water.
I see so many people in my life working in unfulfilling jobs, completely emerged in a consumers world, and running their butts off to keep up in the rat race. It is scary to me and extremely unappealing, and I think I big fear of mine with staying in a city like this is knowing that it wont take long before I am drug into it all over again. So yeah, ive really only been "at home" for a few days over these past three weeks and I am still finding it really difficult. I know things like this take time, but I am fearful of that as well; I am fearful time will erase my fresh eyes. I love the gifts Ive received from traveling, I am grateful for my journey, I suppose now I am just eagerly anticipating where on earth I will land this time.