Out, up, off, and away...

I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my heart no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all my labour. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun. ~Ecclesiastes 2:10-11

So I have decided to pack my bag and head out once more. I leave tomorrow and cannot wait to see what is in store for me.

Since coming home I have had the travelers itch...big time. I have thought about traveling, dreamt about traveling, and found peace in the idea of traveling. Being out on the road was such a wonder for me. It brought so many dimensions into my life and just breathed a new light to my spirit. The problem with traveling that has been standing in my way is this little word that people keep reminding me of...responsibility. Now that is a word I am fairly familiar with, as a matter of fact I have known it all too well and at much too young of an age. So I struggled with whether or not traveling around the world once again would really be a responsible decision. After all, traveling for me brings on many sacrifices; I will be spending ALL my money, I will not have a job to come home too, I will not come back to my own home, I will put myself a few steps back in terms of worldly possessions, and I will physically be in the same place in a few months as I am today. It is difficult in such a driven world to justify a decision such as this. So after a couple weeks at home I decided enough was enough, I would stuff down this need to continue discovering these lands and get back to "the real world". This however, proved to be a very unsettling feeling for me, no matter how hard I tried I just did not like the idea, I was not quite ready to let that piece rest. Then it got me thinking....what is responsibility anyway?

In my life I have watched many people achieve amazing heights. Through wealth, respectable careers, building a family, taking the appropriate steps in life, attaining possessions, building a community, I mean in so many ways I have been surrounded by very high-achieving responsible people. But still it wasn't making sense to me, if that is the case and I desire most of those things than why is it I am not wanting to directly work towards those goals? Then I realized my version of responsibly looks much different to me than it does to many other people. Since Ive been back I have spoken a lot about not feeling like I can catch up, not feeling like a can be a part of "the rat race" and I really realized that is because like many (way too many) in the midst of being responsible in my life, I forgot to be responsible to myself. Like any relationship, the relationship I have with myself requires a lot of effort. I need to love myself, and constantly work at taking care of me, I need to feed my spirt, and uplift the pains on my heart. I need to pay attention to my desires, I need take time to hear what i am really saying, I need to read between the lines, and shower myself in kindness. I need to feed myself with friendship and community yet allow time for me to sit in silence on my own. I need to keep things new and fresh and not allow myself to get stale in life. I wonder how many people who are responsible in their lives can honestly say they are responsible to themselves? How many of them have contradicted the rule of a responsible life by putting wants ahead of needs? I am at a place in my life where I realize that is desperately pertinent. I have left that piece of my world out for far too long and I owe it to myself to focus on that area.

So I don't have a big fancy plan, nor can I answer many questions about where I am actually going. I don't even know how long I will be going for, basically as long as my money lasts, that could be one month or four. As always, I have a million ideas and it will probably be a last minute thing when I decide whether to go north or south, east or west. I fly into Spain and head to a town called Valencia where I am going to have a bloody riot at the La Tomatina Festival (the biggest food fight in the world). I will probably stay around that area of Spain for a week or so and then I have no idea where I will go next. Fortunately when you travel on your own, you get to decide your own path with no deadlines, questions, or expectations. Ive thought about going to Poland to volunteer, going to Norway to visit my family, maybe even heading over to Thailand to meander around, but who knows I may end up falling in love in Sweden or being a bum on the beach in Madrid. I really enjoy not knowing though, there seems to be a lot more excitement that way.

So, with that, I promise to keep my blog updated on where I am going next and what beautiful gifts this world will bring to my life along my journey. Wish me luck and don't be afraid to send a little prayer out for me....