Since Europe...

Wow, back home again and I have no idea what that means for me! Life has been busy since I arrived back from Europe and this blog is seeming a bit daunting to me at this point. Its not even that a ton has gone on, but a lot has been happening in my mind lately and it really is just full.

I came home the last week of July and my father picked me up from the airport with Conner and Carter and the four of us drove straight to BC. I was excited to see my family and be at the cabin but it was such a tease to just drive by my bed and not even stop to do a load of laundry, it didn't help either that I had just got off an eight hour flight. Regardless, we pulled up to the cabin in the middle of the night and I had so many emotions flowing through me that I stayed up the entire evening enjoying my own company and writing in my journal. The week with my family was awesome! My sisters, brother-in-law, niece and nephew, my parents, the boys, and my grandparents were all there which was a special treat since most of us are all usually dispersed in a million different places around the world. We spent the week enjoying the sun, the water, Mamas cooking, and one another; it was a great way to be welcomed back.

This past week I spent at Moose Lake, the bible camp that I was raised at. Tiffany and I were able to take Conner and Carter as well, which was literally was a dream come true for me. The place where so much of my spiritual foundation was laid I was now offering to the boys, I cant put into words how special that was to me. Moose feels like home, it feels like my little safe place that just wraps me up and takes me in. The community there is amazing and it is so nice to head back every year to catch up with old friends and relatives. My favorite part was definitely watching the boys though; playing in the park, impatiently waiting for canteen to open, jumping on the tramp, or stubbing their toes on the tree roots - all of it was my childhood memories turning into theirs and I just adored it. And of course God - that big man always shows up at Moose and it was awesome to spend so much time learning, praying, and listening; my spirit definitely needed the reunion. When I actually got on the plane back from Germany I wished I wasn't leaving, I thought it was ridiculous to come home for a short while only to be back again soon. The moment I drove up to the camp grounds with my sister and my bugs I knew THAT was the reason I wanted to be home.

I will say though coming back home has been tough, really tough and I have found myself retracting a lot. Since i've been home I have cried many tears, I have spent a lot of time in prayer, and too much time trying to figure out what my next step will be. I have a million things that I want to do and I just don't know which one to choose right now. Do I want to make myself a home and settle in, move to BC and begin there, find a job and start saving up again, or continue on this traveling journey that my spirit is eating up? And never mind the questions running through my mind, how about being at home again in such a different world? Adjusting back to normalcy was/is difficult. I spent so much time living off nothing and seeing everything, meeting new people that inspired me, and being alone in such a still environment. I really do miss that. It is too fast here, there are times where I feel I am treading water.
I see so many people in my life working in unfulfilling jobs, completely emerged in a consumers world, and running their butts off to keep up in the rat race. It is scary to me and extremely unappealing, and I think I big fear of mine with staying in a city like this is knowing that it wont take long before I am drug into it all over again. So yeah, ive really only been "at home" for a few days over these past three weeks and I am still finding it really difficult. I know things like this take time, but I am fearful of that as well; I am fearful time will erase my fresh eyes. I love the gifts Ive received from traveling, I am grateful for my journey, I suppose now I am just eagerly anticipating where on earth I will land this time.