My Blog Has Moved!!!

So this whole not sitting still issue has spilt into my blog as well now and I have decided to change hosting sites.

Check out my new blog at:

http://jenellematson.wordpress.com/

We live by faith, not by sight. ~2 Corinthians 5:7

Faith to me is one of the most amazing gifts I have been given. If I were to be honest God sometimes feels like a large fairy tale that I was tricked into believing. God doesn’t speak to me (at least not in a clear definitive manner) and he’s let me slip a time or two too many if you ask me, yet somehow none of that has ever swayed my heart. My faith continues to be unmovable and as it fervently grows I am able to recognize more of God’s blessings being poured out into my life. My relationship with God and my hope for 2009 was very much blind faith this past year, blind faith that I previously cursed and now am eternally grateful for.


2009 has pretty much been one huge blessing. As I look back on my year to recount all my beautiful experiences, growths, and changes I cannot begin to fully compile my overflowing list; it really is just too big. Some of the highlights of my year have been the amazing friendships I have made, the goals I set and achieved throughout the year, being blessed to have the year off from work to enjoy myself and travel to thirteen amazing countries, getting to know my heart and my spirit in a whole new light, and having a wonderful supportive family that were kept healthy and uplifted throughout the year.

I began writing my blog a year ago which was more-so for myself. The original purpose was actually for me to work on the goals I had set for myself at the beginning of the year and hold myself accountable in a more vulnerable way. Although my blog has become much about my travels and adventures and is more censored due to my audience, I believe it served its purpose and I am very glad I began this outlet.

Im not a New Year’s resolution type person (basically cause I hate people telling me what to do, even if it’s a day of the year telling me) but last year maybe out of desperation I did write down a few goals for myself and I gotta say I am exceptionally proud of everything I accomplished this year. All but one of my goals I managed to complete in a way that I felt absolutely proud about and satisfied with. Actually, looking back on this list today really did make me smile so big with satisfaction.


My very first blog:
“This year I will smile more, I will enjoy myself and my world to a greater degree, I will challenge myself to new adventures, I will show more people my art, I will step out of my boundaries, I will try something new, I will be vulnerable, I will spend more time with God, I will relax, I will taste something foreign, I will set goals and keep them, I will be more positive, I will shave my legs more often, I will chip down my wall, I will meet new people, I will love deeper, I will work on freeing myself of my past, I will laugh more often. I will....”


And so, last years ending does indeed still apply. This blog is an opportunity for me to journal my adventures of 2010. I will share my ups (and possibly even my downs), I will log where I go, what new opportunities I arrive upon, and what makes my soul sing. Enjoy!

2010 goals are yet to come…

Home for the holidays

I have been home from my trip now for just over a week and although ive promised an update I havent yet to have time to do it. My week has flown by me. It has been an intoxicating, exciting time and I haven’t even wanted or had energy to sit down long enough to write.

Fearful, bummed, resistant, contemplative; stepping onto the plane in China I had a million feelings about returning to Canada and to be honest most were negative. I had such an amazing time on my travels and I was eating up life over there, I wasn't ready to put that behind me and my anxiety was growing as I wondered about what my next steps would be when I returned. But somehow when I landed in Calgary and stepped outside into the cold it wasn't as bitter as I imagined and I felt I could breathe easier than I had before leaving. It really was an answer to a prayer.

I came home and spent a week in Calgary and now I am in Arizona visiting my family and spending the holidays here with them. I feel lighter here right now. I am excited to be back and so happy that I made the decision to be with my family for Christmas and New Years.

I cant even explain how amazing it felt to come home and sleep in my own bed. To breathe clean air, to drive to the Hat and visit my healing Grandpa, to admire the wide open space that this country is spoiled with. The endless coffees and catch ups with friends has made me feel so spoiled, and the family gatherings that make me feel at home. Eating cheese again, going grocery shopping and home cooked food has been a special treat too (it is possible I may have a pound or two to lose in the New Year). Living out of a closet rather than a suitcase, having a warm house to come home too, the convenience of my own cell phone (that is already getting way too racked up), listening to the radio, and the familiarity of a city that doesnt take effort to discover. All of it, simply all of it has been such a treat.

So much changed while I was away and I am eagerly discovering all those changes. My best friend brought a child into the world, I came back to a beautiful friend refreshed and alive again and unfortunately found another good friend grasping for his life once more, my grandfather went through major surgery and is recovering well, my sister moved to a new province, my niece began talking at a crazy rate and my nephew grew into a moose. So so many changes, yet my favorite one would have to be the change I feel inside myself now that im back. So yeah, im in love with being home for the holidays and cant wait for this next week.

Great Wall

It is sad to admit that there are few things that just take my breath away or get me squirming in excitement. It is a mix of being spoiled beyond belief and from not being too crazy in my automatic reaction to things personality wise. Don’t get me wrong, its not like lots of things don’t get me excited but the whole excited beyond belief that many people get in certain situations just isn’t my style.

Last year my father took Tiffany and I to a hockey game. There was man in the row ahead of us probably in his forties and he was so excited to be there. He was taking pictures of all the players, the crowd, the jumbotron, I mean he really was trying to capture every single moment of that game. I remember sitting there wondering when the novelty of things like that wore off for me. And its not just hockey games, I mean there were times when I was wondering around some amazing countries just kinda thinking ”meh”. Im a camera fanatic and there are certain whole freakin countries that I only have maybe fifty pictures of and for me that is nothing.

The other day however I had a moment that just took my breath away. When I planned my trip to China I figured I would have to make time to see the Great Wall, I thought it would be interesting but to be honest for some reason it wasn’t anything I was super crazy about seeing. My friends that I was staying with, Tim and Rebecca decided to treat me to a day out and since they have their own car here they wanted to take me to their favorite part of the wall. They failed miserably at the description of where they were taking me and I was actually kinda disappointed they weren’t taking me to the main part. We drove for about an hour and all the sudden I saw the wall. My heart started racing and instantly I was crying. It was easily one of the most impressive things I have seen. Never in my life (or my dreams) had I envisioned being in the presences of something so old and magnificent.

Where they took me was a completely original part of the wall which was on a farmers piece of land. We paid the farmer two Kuai (rather than the standard hundred) and walked up a huge mountain on his land, climbed a raggedy old ladder to get onto the wall and had the entire place to ourselves. Can you imagine, the Great freakin Wall with no one in sight? It was insane!

For not being restored the wall was in really great shape still. I could not believe the twists and turns, the drastic uphill climbs and the steep downhill drops. Some of the wall had steps and some of it was flat rocks so I was climbing at a huge angle with my nose practically touching the hill I was climbing. The wall went on for as long as I could see, it winded up and down in a magical way. It was intense to think about the endless labor that went into building the wall, the bodies buried deep below us, the profound meaning, the age, I mean all of it was simply unbelievable.

I have seen many incredible things in my life. Some the natural beauty of the world, some the magnificent wonders that man has made, but the Great Wall absolutely topped one of the most incredible things that I have witnessed. The day I went to the Great Wall was the day of Kiyas birthday. It was really neat to me that I was blessed with such intense beautiful feelings on the exact same day two years in a row. It was symbolic to me I guess, and I was so thankful to see something so brilliant on such a special day.

How much is that doggie in the window??

To all my vegetarian friends and animal lovers, do not read on! One of the things I was interested in experiencing when I came to china was the different foods they have here and so far I have definitely had my fair share.

The first new food for me was chicken butt hole soup….mmm sounds delicious hey? It wasn’t bad but the butt hole itself is exceptionally chewy and it got to me after a while. In China they eat the entire chicken except the breast. In bigger cities like Beijing you can go to the store and buy chicken breast but it is nearly impossible in a restaurant. Usually the breast is shipped to other places (because it is worth so much more) and they eat the rest of the body. At the store you can buy preserved chicken feet as a snack, they eat every part of the inside and often sell the individual body parts on a stick at a barbeque stand. I have tasted nearly every part of a chicken including boiled skin, intestine strips, and fried fat.

Speaking of meat on a stick they have those bbq stands everywhere. At the stands you can buy anything you can imagine including snake, scorpions (which I also ate), shark meat (again I ate), sheep penis (which is insanely long), starfish, blowfish, cocoons, all sorts of insects, and cow balls. Yesterday I ate donkey and it was very good, one of my favorite meats ive ate here actually (it beats Asian beef even). They serve it cold in thin slices and it tasted kinda like a preserved beef.

Today I did every animal lovers worst nightmare and I tried eating dog. But for all you puppy owners don’t hate, its not as bad as it sounds. Dogs here are bread for eating purposes (like they originally were long before they became household pets). They are raised on farms the same as chicken, pigs, and cows and cooked in all sorts of ways. I decided to have the cold plate that is covered in a Korean type sauce. It was alright, I think if I would have known it was a different animal I would have enjoyed it a bit more. It was kinda like roast beef the way it shreds and it was quite tough too. It really wasn’t bad but I must admit the thought of little Coca smelling my breath after I ate one of her own made me a touch sad. I am glad I ate it, it is important for me to try foods from the different countries I visit but I will admit it isn’t going to be on the top of my list next time I order from a restaurant.

So yeah, that is my experience with food here. In the south you can still go to restaurants and order monkey brain. They put the monkey under your table pull its head up through a hole in the middle of your table, kill the monkey, open the scalp, and cut off pieces of the brain and fry them up on a hot plate. I will not be in an area that does that and I don’t know if I could anyway but it sure sounds interesting. Im not sure if there will be any other foods ill be experiencing but im not into turning down much so I guess we will see what else my little taste buds will be devouring!

Awkward Acquaintances

Today was my first experience on the train in China. I took a twelve hour overnight train to Wuxi from Beijing. I was quite nervous at first maybe because my wallet was stolen here and I heard theft was bad on the train. Thankfully it turned out to be a fine night, my stuff was left alone, and I had a decent sleep. I took the hard sleeper (its much cheaper) which means there are six beds to one room (three stacked on each side) and no door for privacy. I was in the middle bed at eye contact level for anyone who walked by. I was the only white person on the train and people would just stop in my doorway and stare. This has been a frequent occurrence in China since arrive, sometimes I find it very annoying and sometimes I just find it confusing. Case and point people staring at me while im trying to sleep, I mean I get it, many people especially the older generations coming from the villages literally have never seen a foreigner and some of them are just simply intrigued but what is the point of watching someone in bed? And its not like when I look at them they look away, sometimes people will stare for a good ten or fifteen minutes no matter if you stare back, smile, or shake your head, like I said its just confusing.

There was one lady probably about thirty who walked past my cabin a few times in the night and just smiled at me. In the early morning when the bed underneath me opened up she walked by again and jumped on the chance. She moved all her stuff into my cabin and I woke up a few times to her just staring at me and smiling. I would politely smile back and close my eyes again. Then I felt a quick tap and when I woke up again she was offering to share her cereal with me. Many Chinese (especially the older generation) take a lot of pride in being very polite to visitors which includes foreigners, so many times I will be walking down the street and someone will stop me, dig through their purse, offer me a candy they found at the bottom of their bag or pocket, smile, and walk away. Not wanting to be rude myself I awkwardly took a bite of her breakfast. She then took out a huge loaf of banana bread ripped it in half ate one side herself (without hands which was quite amusing) and gave me the other half. Next thing I know we are sharing a lemonade, eating apples, and using the same napkin. It was a surreal experience, I really cant describe it in any other way than very confusing.

There have been many similar situations since arriving here and they all just make me laugh. Whether it is taking my picture, coming up to shake my hand, or mocking my laugh (which is apparently a huge gut buster around here), I have just felt like im having an out of body experience so many times. After the train I got on a bus and was sitting in a row by myself. There was a really good looking guy that had been eyeing me up in the train station and he came to sit down on the row across from me. He knew minimal English but still managed to try and have somewhat of a conversation. When we realized it wasn’t going past “where are you from” he resorted to sharing with me his coffee candies and French bread. After a while I was off in lala land and my window was all fogged up so I resorted back to childhood entertainment and drew a big heart so I could see out the window. About ten minutes later I look over at the guy and he drew an arrow on his window. Aww it was so cute, it’s a different kind of non verbal flirting around here for sure, actually its probably the most adorable flirting ive experienced but where the heck do you go with it? I smiled and just kinda felt awkward the rest of the way.

I only have another week left here but I cant wait to have my next awkward experience. They happen so often and are always so interesting that although they make me feel not-so-nice inside at times, I also cant wait till the next one just to see what its all about. Ohhh China you sure do make me smile.

Life in the fast lane

In China much is based on appearance. Although it is similar at home, it really is on a whole new level here and hard to adjust too. It was explained to me by a few Chinese people I have met along the way that status is exceptionally important but so is privacy. Rather than being intrusive and asking personal questions about what a person does they just show everyone. Through clothing, jewelry, hair styles, what you own and whatever else it is very obvious here what socioeconomic status people fit into.

One of my friends that I met here used to go to the zoo and rent a dog for an hour. They had a selection of dogs to choose from, brought in from many different countries. You would pick your dog and go into a gated area and walk it in a circle for an hour or two. This was a big thing for Chinese people because only the richest people could afford dogs here (the bigger the dog this richer the person because they would have to have a bigger house to keep the dog in). She said this was really special because dogs were so rare here so not only did she get to feel what it was like to have and walk a dog, she also got to feel rich for the hour, and take many pictures to show her friends. It was so interesting for me to hear about this.

A Chinese couchsurfing host of mine is a teacher and she was teaching a class on happiness the other day. She said any time she teaches this class the first automatic answer is money which usually is in the form of owning a house and a car. It is typical that the top five answers or so are based around financial position and then they move on to feelings, love, respect in the community, family, etc. This is one of the reasons Chinese like foreigners so much. Traveling is a huge sign of money for them so they believe every person visiting from another country has a lot of money themselves. What they don’t necessarily realize is that Chinese people have the hardest time out of anywhere to receive a traveling visa. Among an endless list of requirements is the sheer fact that you need to own a house or a business with at least 50 000 down on it before the Chinese government would even consider letting them leave the country. So for them traveling is the ultimate sign of money and position and for those who cant afford it they love to dream away about foreign lands and fill their ears or eyes with people from afar.

Beijing has grown and changed an exceptional amount in the past ten years. It is almost unrecognizable. Every skyscraper and tall apartment has been built within the last dozen years; only a decade ago Beijing was still a countryside looking city. My friend was talking about how fast things would change here. She said one day cells phones came out and they were huge bricks only for the rich and overnight the small ones hit the street and every single person owned them. Can you imagine things changing that fast, literally! One day they would tear down a community and literally the next day there would be a park with green grass and a playground on the property. For the Olympics they were told they had to build a whole new underground subway line that goes across the entire city in less than six months and they did it! That is unheard of, a whole freakin subway line! When my friends parents bought their first home they paid 5000 rmb for a two bedroom apartment (which is only about 800 dollars), today they could sell it for over 500 000 rmb now and they have only owned it for 15 years! The growth here is amazing and truly unbelievable, it has been my favorite fascinating topic of conversation with the local Beijingers.

Life here moves at lightning pace and it is quite interesting to learn about but as for keeping up I think I can count myself out on that one!

Birthday Girl!

One year ago today the most magical thing I have ever experienced happened to me. On this very day last year I watched a child being brought into this world. It was simply the most amazing thing I have witnessed.

Last year Tiffany called me and said she was having some problems and needed to go to the hospital. Because she was so early (nearly two and a half months) they were doing what they could to not have to deliver sweet little Kiya quite yet. We sat there for hours just talking, waiting for some test results, and fooling around to lighten the air. Then out of the blue a nurse comes in, essentially tackles Tiffany to the hospital bed and says shes needs to deliver the baby now. Through all the confusion I just wanted to support Tiffany and I never even realized the power of what was happening at the time, I never realized the depth of what I was going to experience.

Tiffany said I could watch the labor so they put me in a little glass room and there I was left to watch the delivery take place. Still, I did not realize the depth of this moment in my life. I was anxious because at this time the blind was down and I just wanted to see Tiffany, the moment they put the blind up I saw the fear in her face and I wanted the blind down again, I didn’t know how to handle it all. That blind marked a pivotal moment for how I saw my sister. It was like the moment it was lifted I was looking into the eyes of a mother. I saw the fear of a mom, the joy of anticipation for her baby to be born, and the look of selflessness that only a mother can have.

It was strange. I was looking at my sister and that was all she was to me, just my sister. My baby sister with big ass glasses and huge front teeth, brave enough to jump out of the top floor window in our house because she trusted me, small enough to throw around, and dorkier than you could ever imagine. But then I blinked and magic happened. I opened my eyes and my little sister melted away, in a millisecond she became a mother, a beautiful woman who made a child and brought life into the world. LIFE people, can you comprehend how amazing that is?

And so, a year ago today I watched a child, my niece being born. I watched the tiniest little human being take her first breath of life. At about this time last year I was the crazy Auntie standing in the window taking a million pictures and unable to wipe the grin off my face. There are moments in life that forever change you and watching Kiya being born was one of those moments for me. To see a baby take their first breath of life, to see how life starts so small and ends so big, it was intense. It was by far the most beautiful gift I have ever received.

And with that my prayer for today is this…
Lord thank you so much for the gift of Kiya. Thank you for creating such a beautiful child to bless my sister with. Lord I pray for Tiffany and Kaleb today that You just wrap their hearts in Your hands and hold them so close to You. Help them to celebrate the life of their daughter today and to receive the gift of peace. Lord first birthdays are so special and I pray You make Kiyas an absolute delight. Spoil her like crazy with lots of hugs and kisses, send her all the love of her family today, and let her eat as many cupcakes as her little heart desires. Thank you so much Lord for all you blessed my family with a year ago today. Send Kiya my birthday love and let her know her Aunty is thinking of her lots. In Jesus name, Amen!

Happy Birthday Kiya Jade, Star belly Sneetch, today is your day baby girl!

Beautifully Flawed...

Written: December 2nd 2009

I am beautifully flawed. I am wonderfully made yet filled with blemishes. I am an enticing mess, a delicious disaster. I am me, I am whole, I am broken, I am loved.

Today, I am broken, actually lately I have been broken. I don’t know if it is my travels coming to an end, the fact that I am feeling very small, insignificant, and lonely in the world lately, or that I am unaware of where my constantly changing heart will lead me when I arrive home. It is a pile of things lately, but that pile seems to be rolling into a path of ruin and my heart is worried.

You see I don’t know, I simply do not know what I want from myself. When I arrive home I want so many things, none of which can be done simultaneously. I think most people know the general direction they want their lives to go. Whether it is working on a relationship, settling down in a little city, traveling the world, whatever it is it is generally a simple direction they chose to go in. Me…nope, never. I want to go home and fall madly in love. I want to get my own little place in Calgary and get all settled in with a job. I want to move to BC, either Vancouver or Kelowna to see if my load would be lighter without those harsh Alberta winters. I want to move to Europe and date a million Europeans till I find the one who doesn’t just capture my heart (which is sometimes too easy of a mission) but who also captures my attention for more than one year down the line. I want to be a bum in my parents basement, save more money and continue to travel. I want to find a home business so I can have that up and running by the time I begin having children. I want to put some of my great little ideas into life and make nick knacks to sell at some hippy booth in a farmers market (which seem so magical to me). I want to practice my career again and do what my heart loves and yet I want to find the simplest most stress free job that makes me the most money. I want to move far far away to a land that captures my soul (I have many in mind) yet I don’t want to live far away from my family.

Contrary to many popular opinions I do not want it all, if I did this blog literally would not end but I am aware I want a lot. It is a simple equation of process of elimination I suppose but for some reason I cannot do that. I want too many things, too many opposing things and it is leaving me feeling like I am drowning in confusion. One day I want this, the next day I want that.

And so, as “home” draws near I draw back and anxiety becomes a good friend of mine. How do I make a decision and not regret leaving a different option behind. How do I figure this out? And why the heck don’t I have a general direction, most people seem to have that yet I don’t have the slightest idea. I want all my wants and it is simply not an option.

A while back I finished a book called Eleven Minutes by Paulo Coelho and in it he wrote:
She thought she would feel happy because she was going home, but she wasn’t. She thought she would feel sad because she was leaving a city that had treated her so well, but she didn’t. The only thing that she could do now was to shed a few tears, feeling rather afraid for herself, an intelligent young woman, who had everything going for her, but who tended to make the wrong decisions.

I love this quote, it makes me feel comfortable. I don’t think I always make the wrong decisions but I am scared this time I will make the wrong decision and I wont know the difference until it is too late. Oh good ol home, I cant wait to get there just to leave again!

Fun times!

Written: November 24th 2009

How is it that less than two days after my last blog I am already eating my words?

Tonight I got my wallet stolen and let me tell you it was not fun. At first I panicked, went through my stuff again and again, after a short while I resorted to bawling my face off in the middle of the city center. I tried to ask people for help, to ask for the police, but nothing, dozens and dozens of people and no one spoke English. I get it, its CHINA seriously why would they speak English, I mean its not going to be long until all those English speaking people will be learning Chinese themselves, but come on, its so frustrating. With each person that responded to my one word questions with a blank response or a “hello” hoping that it would somehow prove they do indeed speak English my chin began to quiver and the tears opened like flood gates. My only solution became to sit on the steps and sob. It felt good at the time but within minutes I had a crowd of oh maybe twenty or thirty people surrounding me just to stare so I quickly got up and went back into action mode. Actually a few of them were laughing too; I don’t get what this whole laughing at people, in people’s faces is all about but I do not like it one bit.

So yes, here I am in a small town that doesn’t even have a western union. My wallet is gone, my ID cards, my visa, my cash, my debt card, my departure card which I need to leave the country, all of my memorabilia plane tickets of the last eight countries I have visited, a bunch of papers that were important, and a few bandaides (which might I add are freakin expensive here). Im stuck and so very frustrated!

You know the worst part, it was totally my fault. I wear a sling purse with no zipper so I always have it over my chest so it is tight, no one can get in, and I can see it at all times. I was in a rush, trying to order food and I left it over my shoulder which is prime time for pickins. Isnt it the worst when things like this happen and you know its your fault? You play it over and over in your head thinking you should have done this or that and why were you so stupid. Uhg I just keep kicking myself!

I went to the police and thankfully my CouchSurfing host came to meet up with me or nothing would have been accomplished there since they don’t speak English either. Basically they too laughed at me and said even if the money is gone people wont bother phoning in or returning an empty wallet. I am out of luck and they had no solutions to offer. On the upside they gave me a ride in the back of their car with the lights on, it was kinda cool.

The cool thing that happened was that in the midst of my frustration from the thief I was reminded how giving people are here. First, in my bawling fit a man who did not speak English approached me and signed to go with him to find a computer. He took me to an internet café so he could translate from Chinese to English “you look like you need help, what can I do”, it was so kind. He was the one who phoned the police and my host for me and got everything sorted out. He did not speak a word of English and still found a way to communicate with me to make sure I was alright. It was extremely kind. After I thanked him profusely he typed (translated) “yes I think I am very brave for what I did”. It was cute. It made me smile.

Also, I found someone who spoke English (or so she said) and asked her to write in Chinese a note that said “I lost my wallet, have you seen one”. It sounds stupid I know but my wallet was stolen at one stand and literally five stands down I realized it was gone so I had a short distance to cover and desperate times call for desperate measures. Anyway, I was showing people my note and everyone was handing me money, I mean dozens of people were pulling out their wallets and trying to give me anywhere from one yuan to twenty. I didn’t take it and soon found out that my note actually said “I have no money to get home, can you give me some”. I felt a little stupid when I found out but I also felt very overwhelmed and warm by how many people were willing to help out. I know for a fact that simply would not have happened at home and it was a good reminder of why I love other countries so much. I suppose everywhere you go there is always the “bad apple” but I am grateful that bad apple has not spoiled the bunch, at least not for me.

Beyond Beauty…

Written November 22nd, 2009

I have been in China for thirteen days now and I am enjoying myself so much. So far I have stayed in Hangzhou the whole time. Ive met a lot of people who are changing cities every few days when they travel and although they are able to see more places, I would rather relax and enjoy the places I am seeing. With that being said I am now on a bit of a time crunch for the different places I want to visit and the time that I have left to see them. My visa expires on the 13th so I have exactly three weeks left to see a gigantic freakin country. So far the other cities that I want to visit are Guilin, Guangzhou, Macau (maybe), Beijing, and Shanghai. My plans have changed a lot, I add and subtract cities on almost a daily basis so I am not too sure where exactly I will go but I am hoping to see them all. Unfortunately I will not have time to venture into the West but hey maybe I will stick to that side next time I come back!

Hangzhou has been such a lovely city to visit. Today I spent the whole day wandering West Lake and I was in love. It is absolutely one of the nicest lakes I have visited. It is surrounded by city skyline on one side and the mountains on the other. There is a constant haze to the city and for those of you who edit pictures and love the option of “soften” as much as I do, that is exactly how the city looks to me all the time. It is so pretty. Today I watched the sun set from the top of the Leifeng Pagoda and I was amazed. It was the first time I saw something so beautiful that it gave me the feeling of nervousness. I was also able to visit the Lotus Gardens, the Temple of Yuefei, the viewing fish in the Flowering Harbor, Chenghuang Pavilion, and some very beautiful bridges that are quite well known around here as well. All of it was breathtaking. I am not sure how the rest of my trip will go but I am already planning on visiting Hangzhou for a few more days before heading back home; it is too beautiful to not see twice!

Tomorrow I am off to Guilin. It is supposed to be another very pretty place to visit so I am really looking forward to it. Although China is a very busy place, depending on where you are it is also a very calm and peaceful place as well. With all of the countries I have visited lately calm isn’t exactly the word choice I would use to describe them (whether that be from the place itself or how I was traveling it). I am very happy that although China wasn’t my planned final destination it is where I ended up staying for my last month on the road. When I look around my eyes are introduced to landscapes I could never even dream up if I tried. There is such a newness in the air and every time I blink I find myself opening my eyes to a world that is so far off and foreign. I really really enjoy China and I hope that amidst all the day to day frustrations that come with traveling to a place so unfamiliar I will still be able to find this much beauty during the rest of my time here.

Reminiscing on regrets

Written November 19th, 2009

There are few things in life that I feel I have missed out on so far. Whether or not it has been a good choice or not I have essentially done everything that I have ever wanted too. I mean really when I think back on my life there is little that I can think of that I desperately wanted and didn’t do. Sometimes it would have made life easier had I not done them and sometimes it would have saved my heart from a lot of pain if I would have made a different decision. I don’t believe in the whole live your life with no regrets. I think if you didn’t regret certain situations then you didn’t truly learn from them.

Is it strange that one of my regrets is never living in a college dorm? Ive been staying on campus here and I love it. I love waking up and wandering the halls in my slippers to grab some water for my hot chocolate. I love sitting out in the hallways and greeting the same familiar faces every day. I love hearing the action in the hallway on a busy Friday evening. I really enjoy the cheap warm food that is cooked for me essentially any time of the day. I am in love with the convenient community feel where anything I want is within a few minute walk at a cheap im-such-a-poor-student rate. I love the on-campus activities, the friendships that are built, the late night sleepovers because there is too much to talk about, and the dorm romances swirling in the air, ohh I really do just love it all.

Unfortunately I feel like one of those stubborn thirty five year old men who have lived their life single for so long no girl wants them cause they don’t know how to get out of self for long enough to be interesting. As much as I love dorm life I don’t see it in my future any time soon. Im too used to independent living, having lots of my own space, parking my car directly in front of my house, and I am very used to the idea of not going back to school again. So, its official I am chalking up dorm living to another notch on my list of regrets. In the mean time Ill be wandering the halls pretending im a student who cant find my class, ill be chatting it up in the mess hall while eating too much food, and ill be falling asleep to the busy footsteps outside my door of all those young college lives….ahhh the dorm life!

Oh the joys…

Written November 15th, 2009

So after being in China for about 48 hours I have already managed to find myself in a few awkward situations and a few frustrating ones. Since traveling around in Europe in the summer and then SE Asia the only clothes I had coming here were summer clothes. I figured China has great cheap clothes so I would do a bit of shopping in my first few days and be fine. So I figured.

I got off the bus arriving in Hangzhou in the freezing cold with only my sandals on. As soon as I stepped off a crowd of people gathered around me and literally covered their mouths with one hand and pointed at me with the other hysterically laughing at the stupidity of my footwear choice. Suddenly it felt like I was in grade four again after Jennifer whats-her-face peed on the slide and tricked me into going down after. I don’t know why but it was so freakin embarrassing.

I got the hint and decided the next day I would wake up bright and early to find myself a pair of shoes. The only problem was when I was walking around that evening one of those pedal bikes that is loaded with boxes as high and wide as a large vehicle (literally, it really is amazing) ran over my freaking foot and broke my sandal. My foot managed to escape in one piece but me and my broken pride were left walking around China with one sandal in the freezing cold. Imagine my sheer joy when I woke up the next morning preparing to sneak off to the market when I began to hear the sound of pouring rain. My only option was to sport my mighty sexy bright pink and red striped slippers out to the streets in the pouring rain. I thought it was bad with my sandals debacle but imagine a little blonde girl moseying down the road in the pouring rain wearing her sobbing wet slippers without a bloody umbrella. Quite frankly I am sure I just looked down right pathetic. Thankfully I met a really great girl on campus and after a few minutes talking and a few awkward glances down she offered to take me up to her dorm and lend me a pair of shoes for the day…ah at last!

Thankfully I am now a proud new owner of a great pair of boots and some nice and cheap shoes (remind me how excited I am about my new footwear when I try to stuff them all in my backpack). What I did learn was that shopping for shoes at home and shopping for shoes here is a much different experience. Do you know how much work went into finding those shoes?? Starting with the impossible task of having to find a shoe store that actually carries a size 7.5-8, then you have to swallow your pride and actually ask for that size since they look at you like your some abnormal giant. Oh but wait, you actually need to find your way there first. Taxis here are a decent price, to go from one end of the city to the other is probably about three Euros tops but since traveling I can still count on one hand how many times Ive used a taxi and I would like to keep it that way. Yeah they are handy and they make life a lot easier to travel around especially in a country where you don’t speak the language but its really not my thing. The bus is way cheaper (by a long shot) and its actually quite enjoyable. Plus I think if I knew the language it would be a pretty easy system to use, the only problem is I don’t know the language, at all. So what normally would take me twenty minutes on a bus right now averages out to about two hours, and that’s just an average sometimes its still way more. The busses are packed with crazy amounts of people and there is no heat so in this cold it gets a bit ridiculous after a few hours. I ended up on a freaking bus for almost four hours the other day because I refused to admit defeat and grab a cab. Tip number one, stubborn plus terribly humbling traveling circumstances do not mix well.

So yeah, my first few days in China have been a bit frustrating at times. But still I am having so much fun. I really really enjoy this country and I cannot wait to see more of it. Frustrating experiences and all I cannot believe how much I am enjoying this place and I am already getting sad to be leaving it behind.

My first taste of China

Written November 14th, 2009

Wow I have been in China for less than twenty four hours and it is so overwhelming. When I told people I was going to India they talked about how it was going to be such a shock to my senses, so completely far off from the world I am used too, in a lot of ways India does not even remotely compare to China in that regard. It is wild here! I am in a city in the east called Hangzhou and it is packed with people. I went to the mall today and you literally could not walk at even slow pace, we were foot shuffling through the whole place. The apartment buildings are huge skyscrapers that go on for endless miles, piling as many people as they can house into the smallest piece of land possible. And for so many people you would think it would be a little easier to find someone who can speak English, but no it is nearly impossible. It is places like this that remind me how small and insignificant I am in this big world. Since arriving I have been so excited to be here, this is exactly the kind of thing I think about when I dream of adventures. But I also have this huge “what the heck am I doing” question lingering around in my head. I mean its only been a day but right now it feels like traveling around on my own is nearly going to be an impossible feat. I really have no idea how I am going to get from one place to another, I’m not kidding, its like winning the lottery when you find someone that speaks English well enough to understand more than just the basic questions, so how am I going to get from one place to another on my own? Mind you I am in a smaller place and the majority of places I am going are big cities so I am sure it will be easier once I get there, once being the operative word.

The weather is crazy cold here too. Today was +10 but it felt like what it would at home around -15-20. I don’t get why and it probably doesn’t help that I came from +35 or more but I really wasn’t expecting this kind of cold. People said that it would be cold but when I would look at the weather and see +10, +15 I thought they were all crazy for thinking it was “sooo cold” but nope, they were indeed very right. I am completely unprepared in the wardrobe department and I cannot get enough of layering my clothes. Most buildings are not heated (even the malls and restaurants) so I have a chill all day long, every time I get in from a day out I race to the shower and soak myself in the warmest water possible, its my favorite part of the day.

Another thing that is different to get used to again is the smoking. Many people smoke here (although not as many as I expected) but they smoke everywhere. Right now I am staying in the university dorms and you see students walking down the hallways smoking cigarettes. Every restaurant table has smoking which is so weird to me; I don’t know how considering its only been a few years since they stopped that at home but it already seems so foreign to me. With cigarettes being so cheap in Asia I am smoking a ton right now, I don’t think being allowed to smoke everywhere is going to help my cause. Uggg-must-quit-smoking!

And manners, wow, so much of what my parents taught me at home does not apply here. It’s not that Chinese are rude necessarily, its more that they have grown up with a completely different set of guidelines to what is and what’s not considered rude. Spitting (even inside buildings), screaming at the top of your lungs to a complete stranger, jumping ahead in line, pushing yourself through a crowd of people, laughing in someone’s face, down to drinking your soup from the bowl, all of it is completely normal here and no one thinks twice about whether or not it is rude. It is most definitely a different set of rules here.

Hangzhou itself is a beautiful city, no matter how congested some of the buildings get they have made sure to leave lots of room for parks and streets lined with beautiful greens. I am excited to go and see some of the scenic parts of the city in the next few days. Go on google images and look up the city, it is so charming and they apparently have one of the prettiest lakes in China. I leave Hangzhou to travel around China on my own for a few weeks. Im not too sure where yet or how I will get home but I am sure it will be very interesting. I will try and update everyone as much as I can along my journey, wish me luck!

We all get sick of sand in our shoes...

But we call all agree on one thing, tans fade, highlights get dark, and we all get sick of sand in our shoes…

As much as I would like to pretend it away, my biggest confession on this trip would be that I have now become addicted to Gossip Girl! Juan downloaded a few episodes to keep me entertained on our long bus rides and now although I don’t even like the darn show I find myself wanting to see each and every episode. Im not even going to justify my terrible new taste in junk television but I will say the quotes they come up with send me into hysterics sometimes. Take the above for example, oh how I love it. And for once I found myself relating, it was one of those “im not laughing at you, im laughing with you” situations (which is a rarity when I watch the show).

So with that being said I am indeed getting sick of sand in my shoes, literally and figuratively.

Didn’t some wise old man once say everything must come to an end? I guess for me that is true, my travels although not over (ever) must come to an end for now. I am ready to go home, I am ready to unpack my bag and live out of a closet rather than a backpack. I am ready to have my own clean bed to crawl into every night, to have my dog curl up beside me while a read a book on my comfy couch. I am ready to drive to Tim Hortons and eat fresh salad every day, I am ready to smell clean air and call my friends in the same time zone on my own phone. I am ready to spend time with my family again and build a little home for myself.

There is a part of me that could travel forever. Especially if I had a family I could just be on the move to a new country all the time but right now I need a little calmness. I went away to travel and relax and the ironic part is I now want to go home to wind down…and I like that. My goodness, in the past six months I have been to India, Canada, Spain (three times), France (twice), Germany, Italy, Thailand, Cambodia, and Malaysia, and I am still heading off to see another two or three countries. Traveling gives me this beautiful world, it opens my eyes, and brings such a light into my life. I become ignited with a passion to see more, do more, and meet new people. I become more still in life and more grateful for the many blessings I have been given. But for the first time in many years I have also become homesick, I miss my world I have left behind and I am reminded that my life is not beautiful simply because it is, it is beautiful because I choose to make it that way no matter where I am.

So with that being said I have decided to come home. I really wanted to stay at least a few more months in Asia and I wanted to try and work over here just to give it a shot and see what it is like. The thought though of not being with my family for Christmas made me sad, it is too important to me. It was going to be a surprise for my parents as one of their Christmas gifts but with my big mouth I knew it would just be too hard. So Mom and Dad, surprise, one more month and you will be listening to my never ending sarcasm and bantering, and wondering when the heck my next adventure will be; I cant wait to see you guys soon, love you!

Short and sweet Malaysia

So Malaysia turned out to be quite the adventure for us…or should I say lack thereof. This really is a beautiful country and I was in love with all the green beauty from the moment I arrived. We landed in Kuala Lumpur and have spent the majority of our time here; it is so much different from anywhere I have been yet in Asia. There are magnificent skyscrapers that cover the skyline, there are the biggest malls I have seen in my life with any high-end store you could imagine, and comparatively it is an exceptionally clean place. And talk about a mix of cultures which so wonderfully intertwine. Malaysia is filled with Malays, Indians, Islamic, and Chinese people which combines to make such a lively and interesting place to be. I really really liked the city and wished I could have spent more time going about Malaysia but unfortunately it didn’t work out that way.

We arrived on a Wednesday, spent the next day settling in and then on Friday we went to the Chinese embassy to get our visas done. Unfortunately they needed more paper work than was listed on the website so we were sent home and told to come back on Monday. This put a bit of a damper on our plans as we were hoping to get away for a few days. Saturday Juan ended up being sick so we couldn’t go anywhere and then Sunday we escaped for a day trip to Melaka. Monday we went in to get our visas done, Tuesday was another sick day (for both of us this time), then Wednesday when we went to leave to the rainforest for a few days we realized that our flight did not actually leave on Sunday like we thought but on Friday morning instead. Uggg, so annoying! This meant that we had to cancel our trip to the rainforest so we could pick up our visas early Thursday morning and leave the following day. So yeah, the trip was pretty much a bust. Between being sick and getting our Chinese visas we were not able to do much of anything. I am still glad we were able to make it here but it really is unfortunate we were not able to see more of the country.

What we did see though was beautiful. I think this is the greenest place that I have been to in my life. Everywhere you look it is covered in lush forest with incredible plants and flowers, and there are rolling hills and big valleys all around, even in the city. We went to Melaka for a day and I loved the place. It was really cute and small yet still really lively and there was a ton of history and things to do. Ninie set us up with some of her friends and we had such a great time with them. It was really nice for me cause they were both from Canada (Jordon from Winnipeg who moved to Malaysia and Bruce from Toronto who moved to Singapore). It was great to be able to talk about home and what we miss, especially when it came to the food! They showed us around brought us to a temple, a mosque, the market, St Pauls Church where the St Francis Xavier was buried originally, and we even went to a traditional tea ceremony which was so nice and enjoyable. The day was great, the company was better, and to think we only got a taste of what Malaysia has to offer.

A friend of Juans hooked us up with his old flatmate from when he was living here for us to stay with. From our first email introduction to Ninie she was one of those delicious people who is so nice you don’t even know how to respond. Without knowing us Ninie and her roommate Anna welcomed us into their beautiful home and invited us to make it our own for a few days. Ninie and her boyfriend Faroq took us to some wonderful restaurants, they spoiled us with wonderful evenings out in KL, and they graciously opened their lives up to us in such a beautiful way. Oh and since Ninie is a fabulous yoga instructor here with her own studio BeYoga, she even had us bending and stretching in ways that my newly plump-too-much-Asian-food body was not quite ready for. One of my favorite parts about traveling is getting to meet all these new people, to have new friends come into your life and add something a little extra special to your world, Ninie, Anna, and Faroq definitely did that during this trip.

So Malaysia although short and simple was a very nice trip. I hope to someday come back here and discover these lands more but for now I am off to China to see what may be in store for me there.

Pai, Chiang Mai, and a Thailand goodbye!

This week was a really good time. Juan and I finally made it to the North of Thailand where we were able to move away from the hustle and bustle of the big city and settle into some calmer cities and towns. First we went to Chiang Mai which was a really great place and then after that we went to Pai.

Pai was an amazing little town, it was just what I needed actually. The drive was absolutely insane, I have never seen more jagged and winedy roads and with every sharp turn my stomach knotted up and I envisioned spraying the mini bus with a little treat from my tummy. Actually much to my embarrassment I will admit the drive made me have my first breakdown as I crawled out of the bus and started crying in frustration with the drive and how sick I felt. On the upside, Pai is in the mountains with incredible scenery and fresh air where you could finally smell the color green! The town itself was small; it was easy to walk in a half an hour, no long bus rides, no waiting for motos, no honking or traffic, just a nice stroll through the town. It was very much a little hippy art town. As always the roads were lined with vendors and markets but this time most of the markets were art, crafts, homemade village items, or photography. The streets were filled with great music (finally no Jack Johnson which everyone seems to play here) and the vibe was just really chill. Pai allowed us to once again be lazy for a while, to bum around town not doing much of anything, and to make the days biggest goal finding a delicious fruit shake.

Chiang Mai was also a lot of fun. We were very lucky because although we didn’t plan it or even know about it, we ended up being around in one of the best places to celebrate the Loi Krathong festival (festival of lights). For two days the sound of firecrackers filled the air every evening and the night sky was light up with beautiful “krathongs” (they are like paper hot air balloons or lanterns that float up into the sky). They also set afloat thousands of banana leaf floats down the river, filled with beautiful flowers, candles, and incents. When asking some of the Thais what the meaning of the festival was many people gave different answers, some believed it was an offering to Buddha, some believed you were supposed to let all the negative in your life go as you released your float or lantern, and some believed it was their way of apologizing to the river for polluting and stealing the water. Whatever the meaning you choose to follow the ceremony was beautiful and it made the city a delightful sight for those few days.

Thailand is now coming to a close for us. We are off of Malaysia in two days but I am already sad to say goodbye to this beautiful country. Thailand was a great place to travel too. The people are so friendly and respectful and no matter where I traveled I always felt safe. The food is cheap and delicious, the shopping is absolutely fabulous (even though I literally did not buy one thing). There are actually a lot of things I will really miss about here, even things I never did. I wasn’t a big fan of the sugar on everything but I thought it was cute and it made me smile when I sat down to the table. Sugar is a must here and everything is sweetened. Milk is sweet like juice, rather than salt on their corn they put a few teaspoons of sugar, and on every restaurant table you will find both white and brown sugar that goes overtop of every meal including soup. I will miss the amazing Thai massages and the ability to walk to any street corner and get pampered and spoiled without spending more than five dollars. I will miss the most delicious salad and apple dressings that I have ever tasted. Although I complain about it now I may even miss the sound of falling asleep to howling dogs and firecrackers filling the night air. Oh and I will definitely miss all the 7-11’s that literally flood the streets and provide me with the convenience and deliciousness of fountain ovaltines and processed banana bread. Ahhh Ill miss it all! In Thailand we have spent just over a month all together and it became a love of mine, im excited to move on but I am going to miss this place a lot!

Elephant Madness!

The other day Juan and I decided to do our first big activity and we went elephant riding in Pai. Wow, it was so much fun! I have ridden an elephant in India before but I wanted to try riding bareback and be able to spend some time playing with the elephants which is something I have never done. The great thing about Thailand is that they love to sell you things that you want; their goal is to have good business, for you to enjoy and come back again. We found a company that was willing to take us out by ourselves (rather than in a big group) on our own elephant and essentially do whatever we want for a really great price, they even brought along our own guy who took pictures and videotaped the whole thing.

We decided that rather than going through the jungle we would head over to the river and play in the water with the elephants. Such a good decision! We were able to see some of the jungle anyway when we were walking to the river. The walk was beautiful, the views of the town and the landscape were painfully pretty, and riding an elephant bareback was a lot of fun. It didn’t take us long though before our butts were thanking us for not doing the whole half-day trip through the jungle, the spine of the elephant and huge muscles were almost unbearable on our bottoms by the time we arrived (actually three days later our legs and bums and still hurting).
When we got to the river we walked around for a bit and enjoyed the scenery some more and then it was time to play! Our elephant was a blast, he would sit down in the water and slide us off his back, he would stand up tall and playfully shake us off until we went flying into the water, he also would fill his trunk with water and give us a nice shower or spay us really hard until we would almost fall off again. For almost an hour this continued. When we would fall into the water he would turn sideways to stop the strong current from dragging us away too far and then he would get really low so we could crawl up onto his back. He also let us crawl up his trunk and ride on his head, he would bend down really low, stick his trunk out for us to put our feet on and then as we climbed he would slowly lift us up until we made it to the top. The whole thing was so exhilarating!

At one point when he shook me into the water, I fell off and the current guided me underneath our elephant. I couldn’t get out because his legs were blocking me and the current was too strong. Naturally he started lying down expecting me to crawl back on top of him. As he began to lie on top of me his belly crushed my head for maybe the shortest second of my life the only sound I could hear was my own neck cracking under the water. It was the first and only time in my life where I have ever actually thought “wow, I am going to die right now”. Thankfully our guide was right there, he jumped off our elephant (right on to my neck again which I surely thought was broken by this point) and pulled me out from under the elephant. I was so scared. A part of me wanted to pull out my inner child and swim to the shore and just cry but the bigger part of me won and I timidly crawled back onto my elephant only this time holding on for dear life every time his massive body shook. So yeah, an elephant sat on my head and I survived, unfortunately I have a pretty messed up neck to prove it.

The day was incredible, it was so much fun. I am so thankful that I know how amazing these experiences are. I cannot count how many times during the day I thought “wow, how magical is it that I am just playing with an elephant right now” and magical it was! The ride, playing with the elephant, the tour guide who was on his toes, the scenery, even my scary experience, all of it just made my day so special. And so as always I am having a blast here in Thailand and loving all of my new adventures!

My day in jail with the inmates...

In the ladies prison in Chiang Mai, there is a rehabilitation program that I had heard about so today it was my mission to check it out. In the prison there is a restaurant, a café, hair dressers, massage therapists, and a few other practicing trades. The services are all provided to the public by the inmates as part as a rehabilitation, reintegration program and I was really interested to see how it was run.

I was quite surprised to see that the prison property is in the heart of Chiang Mai and has a radius of a few blocks. Throughout these blocks I saw many woman inmates walking around from building to building. They were not in cuffs, they did not have prison guards following them, there was no wired fence, watchtower, or any sort of system keeping them within the prison boundaries. They would take laundry from one building to another or walk across the street to the prison canteen, all of it on their own or while chatting away with fellow inmates. The freedom floored me. I couldn’t decide if it was a sign of trust or a scary sign that the ladies knew the consequences all too well to even think about messing around. Either way, after watching dozens of ladies roaming the streets it was clear they have a fairly good unspoken understanding of their own little prison system and no one was stepping out of line.

These programs are fairly debatable as to whether or not they are productive to the inmates, the prison, and the community. Some say it is wonderful, it is a program that is teaching skills to the inmates so they have other means to income once they are released (one of the prison guards I spoke to today said the majority of the women are in jail because of drug dealing/smuggling), others say it is a way for the jail to have modern day slaves raking in a bunch of money for them. Some say it is a degrading show-and –tell type program, others believe regardless of whether or not it is a choice for the women they put themselves in this position and they should have to work, be productive, and earn money for the community. Although the ladies didn’t say much about their thoughts on the program they did seem to really be enjoying it. Ive gotten a few massages now and this environment was much more inviting than anywhere else I have been. The ladies were making jokes, they were all very very nice, and not only going out of their way to make me comfortable but also enjoying one another’s company by giving each other massages, doing each other’s hair, and laughing away the whole time.

I decided to get a massage since it is my latest addiction around here. I went into a fairly big white room that had five or six nice blue Thai massage beds and about a dozen leather foot massaging chairs. The room smelt of delicious tiger balm and tea, and actually felt much more comfortable and inviting than I imagined it too. At first there were two Thai men getting a massage but when they were finished it was me, five female inmates, and no prison guard in site (surprisingly I was in the room for an hour and not once did a guard even come in to check on us). Me and some of the ladies were having a pretty good conversation about my travels, where I was from, and all that fun surface jazz but when it came to questions about the program and how long they had been doing it none of them could understand English.

So my lady was a big mammer-jammer. She had the kindest smile but the toughest hands and she turned my back into putty within a half hour, it was amazing. She was pulling me, twisting me, and bending me in ways I thought my body could never go. She did this thing where she laid behind me, I sat on her feet then she bent me backwards, lifted her knees and pulled my feet and arms back (so I was doing this weird stretchy backwards arch thing over top of her body). When she brought me down I was sitting in between her legs and she gave me a big hug (like full out head resting on my back) and told me how pretty I was. Soon the other ladies chimed in giving me complements on my body, my flexibility, and my “perfect beauty”. Now you would think these are complements that a girl wants to hear but for some stranngee reason they just weren’t peeking my interest at the time. In all honestly the ladies were just being nice and had no ill intentions at all, but come on, tell me that’s not awkward? Out came the most uncomfortable laugh/giggle/noise thing that I had ever heard myself make and with that I stood up, thanked the ladies and was on my way.

Im not sure what to think about the program, I wish I could have spoken to the ladies about it more so I knew how they felt about it, but from what I did see it seemed to be really beneficial and something that the inmates enjoyed doing. It was a really neat experience and I am very glad I did it. The ladies were wonderful to me and my massage was incredible. I am leaving to Pai tomorrow but when I come back through town I will definitely be hitting the prison back up again!

C'ya Cambodia, its been a treat!

Today I arrived back in Thailand and its funny cause it felt so familiar coming back. I like that while we were here we had a little routine, we knew our area fairly well, and we settled in quite nice. So it was great to be dropped off in the backpacker area and instead of staying around or wondering what to do next we just hoped on our bus and headed to our hosts house. It was nice, especially after nearly fourteen hours on a non-air-conditioned bus (have I mentioned yet that I hate transportation here). I am now showered up and sitting out on the balcony catching up on my emails and blogs, and enjoying the sound of the pounding rain and roaring thunder.

Cambodia was wonderful. It was so nice to go there for a while, relax in Phnom Penh and then go about seeing some of the country. Even though I complain about transportation, I really do enjoy all the driving we did around Cambodia; it definitely felt like we were seeing the true colors of the country. Driving down the bumpy roads filled with irrationally sized potholes, watching the world pass by while momentarily peering into the lives of the village people, and watching the landscapes change from moment to moment, it really is just amazing.

Life here is so different. A typical village is fairly small and usually runs along the side of the road rather than in a chunk (so they can use the most of all their land). You see some children dressed in uniforms heading about to school, but more times than not you see kids working their home stores, fishing or farming, lying in hammocks and riding their bikes. Most children in the villages are not privileged enough to go to school (especially the girls), their role is to be equal members of the family regardless of age which means they need to be working just as much as everyone else.

Today I saw I pig as we were driving by one of the villages. It was the fattest and biggest pig I have ever seen in Cambodia (normally the animals are fearfully thin) I couldnt help but smile at the farmer and give a little prayer of thanks for their success. It was only thirty years ago when the Khmer Rouge took over and brutally tortured and killed over a quarter of Cambodia’s population; the devastation is still very apparent in many ways. Almost any person you speak too was a part of the war and greatly affected by what went on. Through the poverty, lack of education, corruption, and current politics, the Khmer Rouge is still very much a part of that country and it is difficult to witness.

Cambodia was great, it was so interesting. I will miss the beautiful country that really did make my mind swirl with so many thoughts. The starving cows wandering town, the dozens and dozens of kids riding their bikes home from school holding on to one another’s bicycles or the back of the tuk tuks and stealing a free ride, the oh-so-delicious fruit shakes that I daily divulged in, the piles of garbage lining the streets everywhere reminding me how blessed I am, the endless moto drivers begging me to take their bikes, the children running up to you in excitement eager to practice English, the women walking past graciously offering their kindest smile, the hammocks to cuddle into on every light post, porch, or pole…so, so many things I enjoyed about Cambodia. I am very grateful I was able to visit that country, but im not gonna lie, I was also pretty grateful when I was able to leave.

Luck or hard work, potato or patato...

Alright, can someone please tell me why so many people want to try and make you feel guilty for traveling and enjoying life? Ever since I left I have had a fairly consistent flow of “wow your sooo lucky”, “well isn’t your life tough”, and a bunch more blah, blah, blahs. Do they really think that it was luck? Do they know that I did not just wake up one day with a large amount of cash in my bank that I actually had to earn money and be smart about saving it for many years. I don’t get it, why are people haters like that? I just want to scream back, yeah as a matter of fact my life IS freakin great, it’s a riot actually, I am indeed very lucky, and no life isn’t too hard right now actually its pretty much a breeze.

But I guess that would be a lie. I mean yeah my life is great by sure it comes with its struggles and sacrifices, it isn’t all roses. Tiffany always tells me for every no there is a yes, and to every yes there is a no. So yes I decided to travel but that also means I said no to settling into my own life and getting some sort of routine back (which believe it or not I do really desire). I also said no to saving money (like I have done very well at since I started earning a paycheck) and I said yes to spending my savings and watching my account drain out bit by bit. I said yes to meeting new people and making new friends but no to spending time with my best friends and family and even missing out on some pretty big events at home. So as with everyone in their life, my world does indeed include some sacrificing in many different areas to be where I am now, but it is what I have chosen for myself and I quite enjoy it.

The year before this came with a lot of struggles and pain…A LOT. So many people wrote me in support, uplifted me in prayer, and sent their wishes that things get better. I have realized throughout a few tough situations, life does NOT miraculously get better…ever. If you want life to get better, you need to MAKE life get better. You need to work on changing your attitude, work through your feelings, do things that uplift you, focus on yourself for a while…whatever it is that helps, you need to do it cause when life gets down, when bad things happen, they will not just fix themselves. Ive tried really hard to do that, to take what is negative in my world, to compile my pains and heal through them. Part of that process for me has been to be out on my own for a while, to have time to spend with my head and my heart without the distractions of everyday life or the influence of other people. I have decided to travel because it makes my heart sing, I have decided to see new things because it is important for me to not be stuck in a bubble, to get out and explore.

I guess my point is, luck is very rare. Its like saying “good luck” to someone before they write an exam. Its not luck, they either studied hard and learnt the content or they didn’t which means they will either pass or fail, no luck involved. My life is not luck. I have worked hard to be where I am. My wish is for all the people in my life to do the same, to take luck out of the equation and start working towards designing your life in order to make you happy. Whatever your passion, whatever your healing path, do it, take “luck” into your own hands a design a beautiful life for yourself…its worth it.

Cambodia Contemplations…

Written October 13th ‘09

Today was a big day, it was heavy. Lots of things have been going on and lots has been on my mind but today it compounded quite a bit. Today, I decided that I don’t think I will stay here, I tried to figure out what I will do next, I visited a horrific genocide museum, almost ripped my hair out by saying no to so many tuk tuks, and witnessed way too much lose at the hands of drugs. It was just one of those long days.

So first things first, I think (being the operative word as always) that I am going to keep going and not stay in Cambodia. I am excited to see Cambodia as a traveler but im not digging the living life here gig. I read a bit about Cambodia before coming here and one of the constants was that women should not walk alone at night. Me, well being me, figured all those girls were just being babies and I would be just fine. I was wrong. In the backpacker areas you can totally do it, but im not living in those areas and not too interested in visiting all that often. I have walked around a bit at night and I don’t feel safe, nothing has happened but Im beginning to think that is more luck than norm. Even if it is one hundred percent safe, I don’t feel that way, and it takes a lot to put me out of my comfort zone enough to make me admit it.

I can hack a lots of things and a lot of places, its not that I cant do that here but I am just not interested. I don’t want to “hack” anything right now, im looking for a nice and easy calm life at the moment and I don’t know if Cambodia will offer that to me. I want to have some fun, have a social life, go out for coffee in the evening and have some quiet time just for me (it is insanely loud here, either that or I am getting really old). I came to the other side of the world to relax and I keep forgetting that fact lately. But really, who is kidding who? One moment I want to stay in Asia and work, the next moment I want to go home unpack my bags and settle in, and the next im thinking about moving to BC or heading somewhere else. Ahh I wish my mind wasn’t constantly in overdrive.

Today two guys in their early twenties left my building the same time as me. Both of them fairly good looking, both looking pretty straight edge. But as my eyes ripped them apart (like I find myself doing with most foreign men around here) I stumbled down to their arms and feet which were bruised and bloodied with track marks. It broke my heart. Probably two guys coming to Cambodia for a little vacation, traveling, and partying and they took it too far once and happened to get stuck. My mother often likes to remind me of how worried she gets about me traveling, and instantly I thought about their mothers, their families, how they are probably a little excited and a little worried about their sons going off to travel. How they have no idea that while they imagine him posing with Buddas and temples, he is really locked up in his house shooting heroin and keeping company by a revolving door of prostitutes.

India was a place with so much poverty, too much pain, and too much corruption, I have never experienced anything to that extent. It was addicting though because in the midst of the mess there was such a joy. The same children whose parents dug their own childs eyes out, or cut off their legs just so they could bring home more money were also the children that had the biggest smiles and the deepest laughter. That attitude encouraged me that the mess my eyes see, isn’t such a mess when my heart feels something so much more beautiful. Here it isn’t the same, and when there isn’t laughter everything else seems to magnify. The smell of bodily waste on the street suddenly becomes stronger, the mass amounts of garbage lining the streets is more frustrating the step over, the constant noise and movement of the city is more distracting, and the endless empty stomachs begging for food seem like an impossible feat. Maybe it is me, maybe it is my attitude, possibly it is my heart telling me I belong somewhere else, or perhaps it is my excuse, but either way when I flip the coin lately I am hoping Cambodia isn’t my tails.

Oh and for the record, tonight as I write this I literally just watched the man living on the floor above me (floor three) pass down a bucket on a rope to the ground for his dealer to put drugs in because he was too high to walk down the stairs. Keep in mind I am in a decent area with one of the few “secure” buildings around. So yeah I can “do” Cambodia but quite frankly I am more interested in traveling it and then moving on. When I actually figure out my plans, ill fill you in, until then I will continue to file through my endless options and hopefully come up with something soon.

Adjusting In...

In just a couple days so far Cambodia is a world of difference from Thailand. I expected them to be different in many ways but I also expected way more similarities than there are.

It is a dirty place. Now don’t get me wrong, dirty can be great, sometimes there is nothing better actually, but sometimes when you go for a walk down one road and your back is covered in mud then it gets a little old. Today we went to a market and I was racing to get out of it, it was a vegetarian’s worst nightmare. Blocks long of stands under a huge tarp with endless amounts of meat, all of it cut, all of it old, covered in bugs and flies, and dripping all sorts of liquids all over my feet. Live skinned frogs, fish cut wide open, snakes, full pigs heads, cows tongues, nasty nasty meat sitting there for days sometimes weeks on end. There were piles of garbage in every aisle, sometimes up to your knee, and the smell was unbelievable. It was hard to imagine that this is where most of the restaurants are buying their food for all the delicious meals we are eating every day.

For sex lovers, drug addicts, pedophiles, party animals, or gamblers, Cambodia is the place for you. It is Vegas minus the money and glamour; anything you want you can have…at a very small cost. The moment I walk out of my hostel in the evenings I have men surrounding me, first they ask if I want to buy pot and within seconds they are running down the list of the endless highs I can purchase, cocaine, opiates, heroin, ecstasy, anything I want. How about taking home a women, nope not interested there, well can a child entice you then? This is literal people, ANYTHING you want you can have, it will cost you nothing but somebody else their life. The hostel I am in has a sign posted about not doing drugs here because it will ruin your life; I cannot imagine how many travelers came here for a party and end up leaving their spirits behind.

And men, don’t get me started on men! I have hardly looked at one white man in the last month and not felt a boiling hate for who they are and what they are doing in this continent. The trail of damage and pain that the western men have left behind is unfathomable. Married men, fathers, grandfathers, business men, political figures, men from every walk of life coming to these countries to find themselves a cheap virgin. They are freakin proud of it too, they have no shame attached as they parade around their purchase for the night. They even have the audacity to act like the heros , like they are at least giving the girls good money so they have a chance at a future or giving them their first and only amazing sexual experience, like the girls have been waiting all their lives to have the pleasure of crawling into bed with a foreigner. It leaves me speechless and angry, it makes me cry, it makes me want to save the world.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are a million wonderful things about the country as well. I have fell in love with certain things already and I have also accepted when you go to a new country that is so different from your own, it takes a period of adjustment and often times your attitude isn’t the best in the first day or two. One thing I have loved is the children. I have fallen in love with Cambodian children; they are so absolutely beautiful and very cute. Many of them are learning English (whether through work or school) and all of them love to practice it with you. You would be hard pressed to walk by a child and not get a huge smile with a big hello to follow. I love the attitude here as well. Everyone is so friendly and they always want to just hang out and chat or help you in some way. Last night I was outside on my computer and a lady came up and asked to go through my pictures. She sat there for a half and hour giggling away as she enjoyed the snapshots of my latest adventures. It was very neat to share that with her and something totally new for me.

I cannot wait to discover all the other beautiful gifts that Cambodia has to offer. I am certain my time here will be quite the adventure and I am sure I will learn not only a lot about the country but also about myself and my limits. Now I just need to get my little butt adjusted!

In Cambodia!

Written: October 5th '09

Yesterday I arrived in Cambodia and it has already been such an adventure. Ive always found crossing boarders so fascinating; it is amazing to me that every time you cross that invisible line the differences are very apparent. The moment we crossed into Cambodia everything changed; landscape, cost, people, culture, it was all suddenly so different and so captivating.

Crossing the border itself was extremely frustrating. We were warned in advance that the customs officers and police are very corrupt but that was an understatement. Leaving Trat we took a mini bus for a couple hours down a small, rough, dirt road to Koh Kong, the moment our bus stopped we were surrounded by people wanting to sell us this or take us there. The attention, begging, and aggressiveness was quite overwhelming, especially once we stepped into Cambodia. Indeed the customs officers were difficult to deal with. You walk up to this old stucco building and knock on a glass sliding window, I had to double take a few times to make sure we were indeed at customs about to talk to the professionals who regulate who comes and goes out of the country. Our customs officer was a miserable old lady who said nothing to us, not one question regarding why we were coming, how long we would stay, or what kind of work we would be doing, instead she held out her hand and said fifty dollars each. Right away we said no way cause we knew the price was supposed to be twenty five so she asked us to wait while she closed the window to “think” about our counter offer. This went back and forth for almost an hour where we finally convinced her that thirty each would be fair (ten bucks for her pocket). Cambodia is still poorer than both Mongolia and El Salvador and a police officer only makes thirty five US dollars a month so to them five dollars is huge and when they are blatantly talking about how much they get to take home for themselves and whether or not that is worth them letting you in the country then it gets quite frustrating. Needless to say we managed to find our way into Cambodia, a few dollars short, a little down on patients, but very high on excitement.

Cambodia was pouring rain when we arrived and since Koh Kong was twenty kilometers away, we hoped on a couple motorcycles and had a crazy ride into the city. Between the rain, the roads, the mud, the driver, and my big ass bag I had no clue if we would actually make it in to town. I was pleasantly surprised when we did and our driver dropped us off at a really nice, cheap (key word) guest house that had a pool! Koh Kong is supposed to have one of the nicest waterfalls around and I was so excited to have a pool I stayed in all night and all day so I could swim the whole time; you couldn’t drag me out of there, it was just what I needed.

Today we took a bus to Phnom Penh. I really do hate transportation around here. The roads were so bad (the potholes are insane) that we were maxing out at 30 km/h for most the trip. Again, a drive that would have taken a couple hours at home was another dreadfully long day in a clammy bus with blaring loud Cambodian Karaoke music. We finally arrived around dinner and have spent the night trying to get comfortable and learning a bit about the city. Adjusting here could prove to be a bit more difficult than I was hoping but fingers crossed it’s not too bad. I guess the next few days will be spent looking for places to live and trying to find a job…wish me luck.