Celebrating Life

Jenelle:  "Why hello Fine Sir, how was your evening and what did you do with it?"

Fine Sir:  "Oh it was alright, I didn't do much of anything, how about yourself?"

Jenelle:  "Me?  I just walked on fire...no big deal"

After months of searching and trying to put it together, I was finally able to participate in a fire walk and what an experience it was.  It was a four and a half hour evening where I was given the opportunity to stretch my mind and further my horizons, meet some beautiful new people, and push my body to unfamiliar limits.  It was definitely an adventure to remember.  

We started the evening by drawing our fears on a board and discussing them with our group members.  Being vulnerable was a goal of mine this year and I was able to dive into this activity with minimal reservations.  After discussing them with the group we placed our boards on cinder blocks and punched through them (surprisingly when I put my mind to it, I broke my board on my first try...I was awfully proud).  After breaking our boards (a symbol of breaking through past our fears) we threw them into the fire to turn into coal which we would soon walk across (a representation for walking through and above our fears).  One of my posted pictures is of my fears being burnt.  On it I drew a loooong road (because it seems as though my road is never ending), a question mark (to represent the unknown in my life), myself (I believe at times I am my number one enemy), money (many of my dreams and goals will need a whole lotta dolla bills to achieve them), a clock (as much as I would like to deny it, my clock is ticking and sometimes time itself feels like my biggest adversary), an eye (for the way I am seen and not necessarily for who I truly am), a group of people (representing the toxic people who are in my life either by choice or indirectly), and bacteria (representing my own health and the health of my family which has been a bit paralyzing to me lately).  This activity was so fitting for where I am at in my life.  I am trying to face my fears and make some changes and I am finally starting to feel very light and accomplished in it...it was healing to watch my fears, my bars, burn.  

Next we did an angel walk which I was very uncomfortable with at first but once it was done it felt wonderful.  We lined up in two adjacent lines (there was about 25 of us in total) and one by one we would walk in between the two lines and everyone would touch the person in the middle.  It was difficult for me to touch other people, to know the right place to touch, to not make them uncomfortable, to be that sense of touch that made someone feel special...it was really hard for me.  But when I walked down the line it felt very powerful.  I did not think I could receive touch like that from strangers but it felt amazing.  Someone holding my hand, rubbing my shoulders, messing up my hair, touching my face.  I am laughing even as I write this because I know it sounds so odd, and it was, but it was also incredible.  I could feel that calmness and peace in everyones touch, I could sense their good intentions, I felt comfort from their touch, I felt special.  Definitely a highlight of my evening and probably the most difficult part of the whole night for me.  

Following the angel walk we did arrow breaking.  This is where you take a 27 inch long wooden arrow and place it in the sternal notch of your throat while another person puts the feather end against their hand.  You push as hard as you can with your throat against the arrow until the arrow snaps.  That was crazy.  They nonchalantly passed out arrows and let us know we would be breaking them with our throats...not the most comforting thought.  However, once again I faced my fears and trusted...yup I trusted that I would be fine.  I snapped my arrow without a problem and although I have a little mark to show where the pressure gathered on my throat, I like it.  I have found myself looking at it a few times in the mirror, smiling at how proud I am for having the courage to break my arrow.

Fire: friend or foe?  After about three hours the fire had finally burnt down to red ambers and it was ready for us to walk across it.  We had prepared our minds quite a bit during those few hours so rather than being fearful I was actually quite excited.  This for me was a simple mind over matter situation (or as Brian referred to it "mind in matter") and I knew I was ready.  My first walk was a touch nerve wrecking.  I did not think about it much and I really dont remember it  (the picture I have posted is with a flash so you cant see the color or how hot the coals actually are, the picture of just the bed of amber is actually what it looked like without the flash on...quite intimidating).  The only part I do remember was someone yelling "celebrate life" as I crossed the fire and another person congratulating me with a hug when I was done.  It was a memory moment for sure.  I walked about four times back and forth throughout the night and it was a different experience every time.  Whether it was me being indimiaded, excited, over confident (and the funny thing was as soon as I got out of mind and focused on how good I was and how easy it was, was the only time the fire got too hot and I got burnt), or just really happy, each walk was different.  

It was not what I expected or worked it up to be in my mind.  It actually wasn't about the fire at all, the evening turned my thought process and made my walk about me, my mind, and my heart.  I am so excited I was able to experience this.  I am glad I am pushing myself further this year to try new things and strengthen my character.  What I did realize this evening was that I am every bit as powerful as I think I am, even in my darkest moments when I doubt myself or my heart the most.