My trip is finalized, my tickets are booked, I am leaving HOME! I leave June 1st to visit Northern India for three weeks. I cannot wait! I am going with some beautiful people who I know will bless me and I hope in turn I do the same for them. Together we will have the opportunity to venture India and work in shelters and orphanages throughout. We will experience a life that cannot begin to parallel ours, and we will be given the gift of giving which really is unbeatable. From India I will leave my group and head to London, Ireland, then Spain. I will meet new people, travel unaccustomed land, and discover bits of not only the Countries I visit but myself as well. I have been so excited for weeks, months even, but as my trip gets closer I am beginning to feel a foreign feeling, FEAR.
Fear has never really has been a feeling I knew well. From infancy to adulthood, I was never really fearful. By the time I was twelve years old I had broken my arm a half a dozen times and got stitches twice. My Mom used to tell me about when I was a baby and I would touch the TV. She would say "no" and with a smile on my face I would place my hand back on the TV with a "whatcha gonna do about it" look in my eye. She could tell me no, slap my hand, get angry, whatever she wanted and according to her I wouldn't budge. I cannot deny it, at twenty-five years of age I am still very much like that "no" is by far not my favorite word and fear doesnt seem to be a popular part of my vocabulary.
However fear is a quality I find myself trying to learn. Healthy fear seems very appealing to me. I am constantly seeking adventure and chasing a thrill, even with my heart I am fearless. Over the past few years I am learning cautiousness, I am slowing down a bit and being more cognesent of the dangers I put myself in; physically, spiritually, and emotionally.
My Aunt found this picture of me a couple weeks ago and it made me smile. This picture, to me, sums up a lot actually, I am the youngest of the bunch and the least fearful. As everyone else holds on to the safety bar my hands stretch far above my head, and with a huge smile on my face I am fearing nothing and taking everything in. In two weeks exactly I leave to a new world and for once I have fear when I look at this picture and think of my adventures. I know myself, I know my limitless spirt, I know I need to work on that during my travels. I need to have more fear, I am aware I am stepping on unfamiliar ground and trusting in something I have no reason to trust in. I know there will need to be times I will have to lower my hands and grab ahold of my safety bar, I just hope I am still able to do it with a smile on my face. Ahhhh!!!
2 comments:
I am so excited for you to go on your trip, this is exactly what you need. And although you will be given much you will receive much in return. love your fearless spirit.
I really do hope for your sake that you are gaining some respect for "fear". In no way do I want fear to cripple you but I need to trust that you will be cautious and make the wisest of choices while you are away. I truly want this to be an enjoyable and gratifying experience for you but as your mommy I'm more than anxious about this trip. I hate that you will be that far away so I NEED to caution you to BE SAFE, always, always think through everything you do; the choices you make, the people you trust and the places you go. I love you Jenelle and I sooo much want you to be safe. Love, hugs and kisses, mom.
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