God and I have been having a few issues lately. My Dad used liken having a relationship with God to walking with Him in the rain. God holds an umbrella over your head and as the two of you walk along He keeps you company, keeps you safe, and keeps you dry. If you choose to walk out in the rain He doesn't walk away. He patiently walks beside you, shaking His head at what you are doing to yourself. But when you are ready, you can walk back under His umbrella and dry off...no strings attached.
There are situations in my life where I feel I am walking under His umbrella and am so rewarded for it. Then, there are situations where I know I am walking in the rain. I don't want to be, but Ive gotten myself so wet and cold by this point I don't trust I will actually dry off once if I step underneath again. The trouble is, He is my only shelter, and I want to be that by MYSELF; there in lies the issue.
Needless to say, God and I are having a bit of a power struggle right now and unfortunately He is one bull headed bugger and is NOT backing down. There is one major area of my life where this is particularly true (and no this next sentence will not be what discloses my current heart war). What He has designed for me is not what I necessary desire and not what I have put in the effort to seek out. I have designed that path on my own, I have denied His right to be a part of it. I have chosen to ignore what has been clearly written out for me and now, many moons later I am mad at the result. Reminder: must-not-have-thick-head!
The good news is, I think am ready. I am admitting defeat. I am letting go of choice and holding on to direction (ohhh I hear the laughter in the crowds). I am coming home from India and seeking out what was designed for me. I don't have full faith in this but I am learning, and I don't know if I will really be taken care of but I have decided it is worth a try. Maybe, just maybe, I will finally follow and find. I am giddy in dreaming of what it will hold because I know whatever form it enters in it will be designed just for me and beautiful beyond imagination. I am singing already!
4 comments:
I like your blog.I'm waiting for your new posts.
Jenelle as you have just one more sleep before leaving for India I want to say "I LOVE YOU". Yes as a mom, I have concerns; it's along way to travel, into a desperate situation, and for an what seems like a long period of time, but I can only pray that you will be fine, be safe and be blessed. I will think about you and pray for you daily. Mom
Im so excited for God to work in your life in India, cant wait to hear about what he has in store!
Jen, I'm catching up on my blog posts missed while I was in Colorado. Just read this post and I chuckled at parts of it. Not a funny subject though... it's pretty hard to know when we're out from under the umbrella or when we're in the rain because He wants us there. It's something that only we know in our hearts by whether or not we're yielding to God. I think your trip to India will be such a blessing to your whole life.
I'm praying for you and looking forward to your India posts... WHERE ARE THEY? love you
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